The gift of giving makes a joyful heart!

I love giving, and not just at Christmas. I love to find that perfect gift for someone. One that speaks to my heart. I love wrapping the gift and the giving of it. It makes me wonder how God felt the day He gave us His only son. And to see how we received it. What a joy this time of year brings to my heart to give to people and to show them love. I am so thankful for our Heavenly Father that He first showed us love so that we could love. Most of all I am thankful for His gift of sacrifice in sending us His son to die for our sins so we can once again live with Him for eternity.

Merry Christmas!

Living and Loving on Purpose

Matthew 15:36 "And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude."

Being away from my family in Utah this Thanksgiving I knew would be hard. After all this first year away will pose all kinds of new situations. But we also knew when we moved here there was purpose for it happening, a purpose for God. While we don't always know what that purpose is, Christ is always discussing and conversing with God about us when we pray. With prayer comes action. I am thankful for prayer and the gift of love this season. For I am in need of both every day!

This year I will be learning to love outside of my family. To begin we have invited a family over for Thanksgiving dinner that is in need of some relief due to stress and a tight schedule. Charlie and I felt so inclined as to find a family such as this in our church body and offer them into our home - of course God pointed us right away to them but little did I know how much it would mean to them for us to do so. Iin fact, there was such an overwhelming feeling that came when the mother of the family and I realized that both of our prayers were answered at the same time. I can't even explain in words how awesome God works. My first experience in this type of love was joyful.

Today the spirit has laid two thoughts on my heart that I am now pondering on. They came to me while driving home after Beth Moore's bible study today. I am challenged by them. She talked about living life on purpose - so it got me to thinking about loving on purpose. Love is what brings life.

It has always been so easy for me to love my family, but I never knew how to love those that I was not related with. Well since we moved out here I knew I would be stretched for His glory, this was confirmed to me prior to arriving. Knowing there may not be a possibility of my blood family to come here, I prayed about it and had faith He had a plan.

Christ teaches us with his example from the verse above by giving to others and also thanking. We are all family and we ought to love one another as He has loved us. The first thing is to open my heart up for this desire and of course He knew the timing I would need for it. Living life on purpose means loving on purpose. I want to live and love on purpose just as Christ did. What else is this life for?

Don't close your eyes!

Savannah, my daughter, always sends keen messages to me. Messages that remind me I am a daughter of God.

The other afternoon she and I were at our new church. It was after a luncheon given to those that are new to the congregation. She grabbed my hand, and said, "Mom, I have a surprise. Close your eyes and hold my hand." I instantly replied, "I can't close my eyes or I might trip!" She said back to me, "I will hold on to you." She then led me into another room, had me open my eyes and then pointed to a baby crawling in the foyer. She said, "See. Look!"

It was the cutest thing. Of course Savannah loves babies. Who doesn't. But the message that hit me here was when I said, "I can't close my eyes or I might trip!"

This is so true! I have been battling many spiritual warfare and even slipped some away from the Gospel because I have been shutting my eyes rather than keeping them open where I can remain in a cautious state of mind.

But Savannah's second message occurred to me...that even though my eyes were shut, Christ still held my hand all the way through. Leading me and making sure I didn't fall!

I thank my Heavenly Father for the gift of His son and the Holy Spirit for always being near and reminding me of the Gospel so that when I don't "feel" near I remember my faith and am given a renewed hope to continue forward.

John 14:17 (Amplified Bible)
"The Spirit of Truth, Whom the world cannot receive (welcome, take to its heart), because it does not see Him or know and recognize Him. But you know and recognize Him, for He lives with you [constantly] and will be in you."

John 14:26 (Amplified Bible)
"But the Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, Whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will cause you to recall (will remind you of, bring to your remembrance) everything I have told you."

Another message that has struck me well this week after my Bible reading is of how can I expect God to remain near me when I am not near Him?

James 4:8 (New Living Translation)
"Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

Thank you Lord for your word and your guidance through Christ and your Holy spirit! I pray I will remain obedient and thirsty for your life and love. May the enemy have no power over me!

Counting my blessings...

Instead of focusing on my not being perfect and my downfalls, I have chosen to spend my time counting my blessings instead.

Needless to say I am doing much better and continue having the hope of Jesus Christ.

Prayer Request

So here I am. It has been a while. I find I usually do not want to write here in this blog unless I am completely and whole heartedly on the right side of my walk - meaning when I am in awe of the spirit and led to write about the awesome things. I feel led today though to share where I have been. I have been in need to identify and deal with what I am going through rather than waiting painstakingly for this season to pass.

However today I want to remind myself that just because the name Christian has Christ in it, does not mean we are perfect. I need prayer and what better way to ask for it than to post a request here?

So here I am, struggling with sin and have allowed to let my walk go by the wayside. I read others' blogs and they are always so in tune with God and His Word, I begin to wonder what is wrong with me? Why do I feel the need to also post the times I am in battle.

I thought at first I was going through spiritual warfare, but today I know I am simply being convicted. I so badly wanted to live my life differently 2 years ago and then when I started this walk it was so awesome I never thought I would allow anything to interfere with my relationship with God.

Boy was I wrong. I have tripped up with sin. Sin of slothfulness, coveting, worrying, and lack of self control.

Sure I can blame it on our moving, I can blame it on the stress, I can blame things all I want but reality is that I am allowing my walk to go on the wayside. I say allowing because I am not over this yet, I have a lot of work to do. But I need prayer to start with. Prayer allows God to move, this I know.

In comparison to what I see other Christians write I realize that this is because as a Christian we are to lift each other up, and that those I read online are probably doing very well in their walk. They are great influences and examples to me. But I still wonder, does anyone have these struggles too and just does not write about them?

As I am working on these issues in my walk, I know with Christ there is always a renewed hope each morning, therefore today I am hopeful. Today I will pray rather than worry. Today I will be joyful and be obedient.

Yes, I sometimes need to take life, but more importantly my walk with God, one day at a time, not every day is perfect for me. Not every day have I tried either. Please pray that I may have and keep my faith and obedience just for today.

Sunday

I woke up this morning feeling empty. I reminded myself that I need to take time out to "commune" or fellowship with God. With our upcoming move and all the details and preparations there are to do I have been so busy concentrating on daily tasks that I have put aside my daily time with the Lord. So before I arose from bed this morning, I said a little prayer asking God to enter my mind, spirit, and heart before the day truly starts.

It used to be that Sunday was just another day off and I did what I wanted with no thought at all to the Lord - the enemy always made it enticing to do so too, yet I never realized this until now. When I was a child I looked forward to it to spend time together with my family doing "Sunday" things. Even though we went to church there wasn't much impression on me about anything I heard or learned there. What I loved was being together afterward eating a Sunday dinner, taking a drive, or playing board games and watching television. But now things are different. You know what I love about Sundays now? All the troubles are forgotten and I find I spend my day focusing on God more than any other day of the week!

Today is Communion Sunday - I am focusing on Jesus Christ dying on the cross for us so that our sins could be forgiven and that we may have life. I never understood this before but as I continue my walk with God my testimony of His Gospel is increasing in me and I am finding that I am getting richer and richer in not only coming to know who Jesus is, but coming to love Him.

Yes, I am getting to the point in my relationship with God that I have not been in before! Before my newfound walk and love with God I wasn't really sure about who Jesus was and why He was so important. I knew of Him, I knew He had a big part in why I even knew God in the first place, but yet I didn't have a personal relationship with Him. Until now. I recently read the book of John for the first time in my life and I had no idea I would get to know Jesus on such a very personal level.

I want to thank the Lord for His gracious abundance of blessings and love for not only me but for all of us! I want to thank Him for sending His only son to us and giving us this precious gift of life! I praise the Lord God for beckoning to me so long ago and being patient waiting for me to respond and now that I have he has given me ears to hear His voice and eyes to see His work so that I may know it in order that I will recognize Him and continually seek Him. I am so grateful to be a child of God!

On Music...

I am a big thinker. As if you cannot tell. I like to listen to music that makes me think, makes me recall events, makes me ponder. Ever heard a song on the radio that totally fits you to a T? Here's one I've been hearing lately that does me - makes me think back over the past two years as I have come to know know Jesus.

"Born Again" performed by the Newsboys.

I found myself looking into the mirrior

Knew I wasn't who I wanted to be

I was living like the way that I wanted

But my eyes reminded me I'm not free.

Believed that I saw everything that I know

Says I got to go, tired of going solo

But I'm never gonna go there again.

This is what it is

This is who I am

This is where I finally take my stand

I didnt want to fall

But I don't have to crawl

I'm not the One with two scarred hands

Giving him the best of everything thats left of

The life inside this man

I've been Born Again

I see you walking like your living in fear

Having trouble even looking at me

Wishin they would give you more than words

Sick of people telling how it should be (how it should be)

Whats your download, where'd you get your info,
you saw that I'm show now your in the inload

Gonna tell you what I believe

This is what it is

This is who I am

This is where I finally take my stand

I didnt want to fall

But I don't have to crawl

I'm not the One with two scarred hands

Giving him the best of everything thats left of

The life inside this man

I've been Born Again

We are the ones they call by name

(I'm never gonna look back)

Let go let go the guilt the shame

(Said I'm never gonna look back)

This is who I am

This is what it is

This is who I am

This is where I finally take my stand

I didnt want to fall

But I don't have to crawl

I'm not the One with two scarred hands

Giving him the best of everything thats left of

The life inside this man

I've been Born Again

Fine Tuning

Do you ever have one of those sleepless nights? Or two or three? How about two or three in a row? As soon as you lay your head down to sleep the noise begins?

I have been battling a bit of insomnia I'm afraid. I am sure a lot of it is due to my husband being away and my sleeping without him, but nonetheless it is mainly due to my allowing the enemy in to distract me with worry and try to rob me of the faith and trust I have in the Lord for the answers to prayers I've been seeking from Him.

Not sleeping, my head became like a communication tower moving large amounts of sporadic information through the air. It was as if my thoughts, or worries rather, came and went in the same manner my daughter tries to tune into her radio. I am sure you all know what that sounds like. A mess!

Unlike the radio in the car that has programmed digital tuning, my daughter doesn't understand that to find something she desires the dial must be moved slowly. Like her moving the dial back and forth, my mind was racing through the channels so fast that I was unable to process anything.

One of my favorite scriptures I would normally rehearse to myself of during a time like this is Philippians 4:6, NLT - "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done."

I didn't, however, remember to recite this verse at the time. I was too caught up in the moment to even allow God to intervene. I allowed Satan to turn my intentions to pray into worry. I have always worried a lot as I am a deep thinker and everything filters when all is quiet around. But it has been a long time since I've done this - especially since I've learned how to commune with God. I am learning that while the Lord is in my heart I will find a constant battle with Satan who tries to get in my head to make me an ineffective Christian. Spiritual warfare has been quite a battle for me lately. The enemy knows when to get me and that is when I am tired! But I will not give up! I do trust the Lord and I am very grateful!

I find my communion with the Lord like the example of my daughter learning to tune her radio slowly to find clear connections. My conclusion is that in order to slow down and tune in, the key is keeping on top of the Word to prepare battles with the enemy in just the same manner Jesus did while tempted out in the desert. His response to the enemy's schemes were, "It is written" - what a great example He has given me! My goal this summer is to begin memorizing verses for this very reason. Before I was following I didn't understand the importance of memorizing verses but now I do!

In addition to "fine tuning" my communion, my daughter's radio has other lessons to teach me. She and I have both noticed that when I am helping her to tune the radio to find a station with good reception the reception becomes lost when I step away. I am sure this is due to the broken antenna, so I tell her to simply keep the radio close to her and it will work the way it is supposed to. The same is true for keeping myself close to God - I too am broken and need a Savior.

Through these sleepless nights I am reminded yet again of the importance of why I must remain close to the Lord and take the time to slowly move through the channels to find His answers and guidance. I am left with this reflection today and praying to the Lord to help me be patient to be slow and to tuning to His channel and to keep Him near granting me His graceful peace...and rest!

Oh to be little again.

Matthew 18:3

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

Summer time brings so many memories of my childhood. The smell of dirt, the fresh produce, the grass, the water, the sun. the rain, and most of all the sense of freedom.

So I was going through some old pictures this afternoon and came across this one from a few years back during our Oregon vacation. I can't believe how my daughter, Savannah, has grown!

In looking through pictures of my daughter and comparing how much she has grown I was reminded about how the Lord asks us to be like little children. This raised the same old question, "Why?" Why does he want us to be like little children? Then I turn back to my memory and reflect on the qualities of youth - energetic, free , non-judgemental, & loving all that surrounds them. Of course! Children are such a great example of all of Christ's qualities. How I long to have those days back when life didn't have temptations or trials but know if I keep on the right path I will have this freedom again. Eternally.

Now that I too have grown, just as my daughter has, I must make the effort to remember to be a child. To think of how good it feels to run in the sand and water and how the immense ocean makes me feel so insignificant yet so significant all at the same time. This is because I know He loves me and I am his child.

Speaking of the ocean, I was recently viewing pictures on CNN and instead of seeing all bad, I see good. I see the people that are working so diligently to clean it up. There is so many of them! I see the people that are taking good care of the animals who have been affected by the spill. I think it pleases God that there are those that show so much care and concern for His creation that we don't want to lose it. All in all it is always His plan that these things happen in that we, His children, may grow and seek Him. Earth is a tangible thing...hard to reconcile that we may be here today and gone tomorrow, but when things like this happen it really increases my testimony of how He is moving and encourages me to truly seek Him.

So to be a child again. I shall not worry for I am covered with Christ's blood. When in this state of mind and spiritual meditation I, like a child, don't know of the worries of the world. We only see good through children's eyes and we are free. We can still be free today and I praise the Lord for His wise instruction - reminding us of who we are - His children!

Yes, all this from one picture.

Taking time to notice...

Today as I entered the parking lot on my way home from work, the smell swept over my nose and the memories of being a child came all over me again. I love how the dirt and the rain take me back to when I was a child, summer memories. But now this smell is much more than that, it reminds me of the earth...the earth you created and created us from. It got me to thinking about how much I love the way You made the earth, the grass that is full and plush, the smell of flowers, the sky - so big and full of wonder, the miracle of birth, beautiful water, and the list goes on....

Because of the details you created, You made a life for us here...imagine what else You have in store! I can't even begin! How awesome! Thank you Lord.

On growing...

Just like a baby, there are many stages of growing in LIFE. I am beginning to find this is true to growing in Life with Christ. Yet last October I thought I was as far as I was going to go with God. When I started that desert trip I thought for sure there was nothing more for me. But I kept faith and now know I was wrong to think that. Today I am reflecting on a newfound stage of my growth and finally understand what it means to be on the potter's wheel!

I admit that before I came into the truth and chose to live for God, I thought in doing so life would be easy -that those who go to church doing Godly things have no worries and are without conflict. Some of this is true for me - but only while living in Faith. It is like how my brother Marty put it to me long ago, "As long as you do what you are supposed to do things will be alright." I think what he meant to say was as long as you choose right over wrong, God will be there.

This new life is anything but easy for me. Don't get me wrong, there are peaceful, joyful, fulfilling times - mountaintops if you will - when I am listening, obeying, and walking with Him. But in order to grow there are also times God lets go of my hand during our walk so that I may learn to seek Him even when the Spirit isn't present. Needless to say I have learned greatly about how to trust and keep faith these past few months...and here comes more obedience on my part.

I am battling spiritual warfare, but over time it gets just a tiny bit lesser and lesser. I know that God is constantly molding and shaping who I am in Christ. My Pastor put it to me in such an easy way to understand, he said that Satan works overtime on us Christians once we start following Christ. Satan doesn't want me to win. That when I wasn't following Christ and constantly living in sin without conviction or repentance there was no reason for Satan to focus on me. But now there is - big time.

It isn't a daily battle, but I do tend to get impatient with myself for not being who I wish to be in Christ "now." I am tricked to wishing to be perfect when Satan tells me things like how I will never be perfect or good enough for Christ. Yes I have bad habits that developed over the years from not knowing any better. I find I see them now almost constantly, and while being convicted of them is bothersome, it is the only way to get rid of them. Satan, of course, takes his part in magnifying them to try to bring me down, but I choose disregard the negativity and trust in the Lord. I know I am right where the Lord wants me and that no matter what I am doing I am who I need to be during this time in my life and that He is changing me taking gentle time shaping and forming me on his pottery wheel. (Jeremiah 18)

I am learning this year to know Christ. I have always believed in Him, but I didn't really know Christ the way I do God and the Spirit - I didn't have a relationship with Him. Now that I do, I want to know Him more and more each day. He has asked me to come to Him. Of course I want to ask Him exactly how, when, and what to do. But I know this answer and so I pray that I continue to be patient with my growth, get into His Word every day, obey when I am convicted, and truly repent.

I know that living on this earth in this temporal body is so different than what it will be with the Lord in heaven - so when I live with Him in Spirit here - I admit I become anxious and want it all the time. I want to see what He has in store. Can you imagine all the beauty we find from Him here on earth mulitplied? I am human. I long to hurry and be with Him when and where I can, but have learned this will all take time and that He does have a plan for me - eternity.

Shoo Fly!

My 6 year old daughter has a few CD's she likes to listen to in the car on our long journeys to and from town. (We live 20 miles away from real civilization - so entertainment of sorts are a must.) We will take turns - I listening to K-Love and she listening to her CD. I was pondering the other day after hearing the song "Shoo fly, don't bother me" for probably the 100th time, "What is the message this song is trying to convey?" Sure it has a very catchy tune but do children know what they are singing about? After pondering this it came to me and I have found much more meaning to it than a preschool rhyme she and I happily sing along together. The lyrics are simple and easy to follow:

Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
Shoo, fly, don't bother me,
For I belong to somebody.

CHORUS:

I feel, I feel,
I feel like a morning star,
I feel, I feel,
I feel like a morning star.

I researched this in Wikipedia and it doesn't say much about it other than it originated in 1860. It says there, "The song remained popular over the decades, and was commonly sung by soldiers during the Spanish-American War of 1898, when flies and the yellow fever mosquito were a serious enemy. In the soldier’s version, after singing the famous Shoo fly, don’t bother me three times, the soldier would then sing For I belong to company G."

I thought for sure to find some other meaning to this song, but apparently no one else has thought of it the way I have? In my own life I struggle with spiritual warfare. The enemy is always "buzzing" around telling me I will never be good enough for Christ or that I am always failing. In hearing this song the other day, I am reminded to shoo the enemy off because I belong to somebody and that somebody reminds me that I am a morning star! So even though this song doesn't advertise that it originated as a spiritual message, it will be one to me and I'd like to teach the same to Savannah.

It is interesting when you look for God in everything, you find Him there. He is undeniably everywhere and every step of the way.

Proverbs 3:6 "In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths."

SHOO FLY!

On forgiveness...

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

I have been pondering lately about forgiveness. It isn't an easy thing to do yet we are commanded to do so as our Father has forgiven us of our sins. Years ago my brother Marty once gave me good advice during a time I was not living a well life and hurt a lot of people, especially my parents, he said, "As long as you're doing the things you are 'supposed' to be doing, you will be fine." I realize now what he meant but at that time I didn't know how to apply it nor did I have a relationship with Christ.

There is much more great insight in the book of Ephesians beginning in verse 17 that have great instruction about losing touch with God by allowing to keep hardness of heart and being calloused. But ultimately the verse I posted above makes the clear point - to forgive as we are forgiven. If we know God and our scriptures we know then that we must have trust and faith in forgiveness is it produces many fruits of the spirit and without it how will we grow in character as well as our relationship with our heavenly Father and expect to live with Him someday?

I often think of those that have not forgiven people. I feel sorry for them in that they don't seem to get it. They must not be aware of grace and love that will pour on them by trusting in this act that Christ teaches us by His own example. I pray for them that they will realize it isn't about being right or wrong, that it isn't about who hurt who or who is stronger willed and will not step down give up and say sorry and try and work things out. I hope they realize that it is a sin between them and God and until they acknowledge this I have to question will they ever have a desire to forgive?

I have lived with much question and anger off and during my life however year and a half ago I found who I am in Christ and that is when my character began changing after accepting my Savior. I finally realized that the unanswered questions no longer hurt me, that the enemy didn't have power any longer. Christ's gift of light instilled in me, as it is said in the book of John, and withstood the darkeness - the darkness cannot understand the light! What a transformation I have been going through. I was done with feeling hurt and recognized it as work of the enemy. I can only pray now that they will not let the enemy take use of the circumstance forever, after all we are here for only such a short time.

As I still grow in this Walk with God and continue in this new life in getting to know Christ my Savior I am continually a changed person. Daily I take inventory of all the things I do, my thoughts, my actions and even though I pray to God and know he knows my thoughts before they are thought, I still ask Him to show me where I may need to forgive others or how I may show them love. I find that I am still this new being all the time with the Holy Spirit bountifully alive in my heart just anew as it was when I first came into it and as long as I obey and keep close to Him I am filled with His joy!

Weeds

So I've been aggravated lately with the amount of weeds I've been getting in my front yard this spring. Why are they so bad? Why don't the neighbor's lawns seem to have them so bad? I sprayed them over and over last year so where did these all multiply from? This has created an eye for looking around and noticing other weeds everywhere I go - so I think to myself, "Why did God make weeds? What is the purpose?"

And as often as it happens to me my answer is revealed in the middle of the night and there it was. Weeds are there to be noticed and removed just as are the people in this world who do not believe in Christ. They live among beautiful flowers and grass sharing the soil because they too need to have a chance to grow, but little do they know why they there or that they are actually planted on purpose or what that purpose is so they are often short lived.

The weeds in a sense provide discernment and discipline to the gardener to take careful care to the garden they are tending to. They provide diversity in that they provide a way to recognize right from wrong. However to those that don't know the danger, the weeds have their way to tempt us to sow their seed. Remember being a child and how hard it was to resist your mother's instruction to not blow those fluffy parachute feather dusters just to see them float in the air? In fact come to think of it you and I fell in love with that dandelion the first time we saw it when we were children because it was so appealing! But now we know better, right?

The parable of weeds is spoken in Matthew 13:38, "The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, 39 and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels." NIV

So how can we learn to love and exist with weeds in this field we live in? How can we bring them to the Word so that they too will believe? How then? We can be examples, we can pray, we can provide revelation, we can help shine the Lords' light and life by our continuing to witness the truth to them. Most of all we can persevere in living for Christ and following Him because the way we live probably impacts these weeds more than ever. I want someday someone to seek God for the same blessings for that which I have received and for that person to find Him in their life during these end times.

So the weeds in my lawn will continue to be more noticeable than I want them to be as they grow faster than the grass trying to the reach the sun and that is when I too see myself, someone who isn't always perfect, not always beautiful to the eye that beholds it, but alive and strong just the same given His light. I too am a weed, a sinner, but now I am living for a different purpose and knowing what that purpose is and every day is a new start and I am forgiven of my sins!

Because of my Savior I have been able to discern things right from wrong but am far from perfect. I will constantly be molded by Him to learn to harvest the soil around me. I know by hope, faith, trust, and perseverance I will become the good seed that is spoken about in Matthew. There are so many things that provide growth for even a small mustard seed; trust, faith, kindness, forgiveness, and love. This is all God wants from us and while I don't understand it, I don't need to. It is the truth and the way. Love is God and God is love and God sent his only son to the world, not to one religion or the other but to the world! Praise God! Just think, there is always a new season for a new harvest and you can never be too late to accept Him! Never! Never too late, not even for a theif on the cross!

So today I pray for the perseverance, strength, enlightenment, and love for God that I have to remain to continue to focus on my purpose and then I shall always know it! AMEN!

On Moving

We have officially put our house up for sale. The time is right in that Charlie's job in Wisconsin is looking like he will get to remain working after his temporary assignment. I think a lot of things just happen as they should, in the order they should, and that is when I know it is God's will.

We were given an option of Charlie gaining a job out in Phoenix Arizona, however he and I both feel we are being tested. You see ever since Charlie's job was announced it would end a year and a half ago I was led by the spirit that we would be moving to wherever that was. I didn't think a lot about it as I mentioned in past posts other than a way to get out of some bad habits in life, but as time has passed and I have grown more in my walk with Christ I find that there is a different purpose He has for us.

Some people ask me if I really want to live there, and I know there is not a lot to do there or the weather is so extreme in the winter, but I do want to for reasons that people don't understand and I know we will succeed. I think of Phillipians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." - We both have a really good feeling about the move especially after being led to go to a church out there. I get excited in anticipation of what the future holds for our little family. There is just so much more in this world than things to do and things to look at where you live, things that I cannot explain to someone that doesn't have a relationship with Christ. Doesn't mean our life will be perfect but as long as we have faith and trust in where He is taking us, it will work out fine.

I have to tell you about this God led church though. It isn't anything fantastic or hugely large, but it is an answer to a prayer and is God sent! You see I have been praying since Charlie left in April to find a church or some way for him to connect to being involed in church while he is out there so that if we do move out there this part will be in place. I don't think I could move and adjust to such changes without Christ in my life so it was important to me that we meet Him wherever we go and if Charlie got a head start on this part of it, I would know God's plan for us. Our church here too also prayed for this.

So one day I get a phone call from Charlie with ecstatic news, he was out in the company vehicle and got a flat tire. While he was waiting for the tire to be fixed he went across the street to Taco Bell to pass the time and he met up with a Pastor of a local church. We went to this church the next week and found it was only a 5 minute drive from his apartment. It was awesome and the sermon was geared to family and children. The people were very nice and very welcoming and since then Charlie has gone back. I can't wait until we go again and have Savannah go to the children's service.

So it is officially time to start this move, I trust in the Lord who is leading us and no matter where a person ends up living, life is full when He is present in your heart. My prayer is that our family will be closer in unity with Christ and as one and that we may grow in Christ there. And that by letting His will be done we will learn to always be obedient to the Holy Spirit.

What do you do?

So what do you do when you leave church speechless...in utter emotional drama and tears yet feeling so full and joyful at the same time? So much with the spirit inside you but at the same time you don't even remember what the sermon was about?

That was my experience today. After the day passed, I do infact remember the sermon, however what I remember the most was how the spirit overcame our little congregation in our little sanctuary and we were filled. I felt His love for me then and there and yet I wept because of it. Others were weeping too. My heart was fuller at that moment than it has been in a long time.

Later today I recalled that during the sermon I was pondering upon my level of integrity. Where will I be when He comes again? In what state will my heart be? Will I be worried too much of the things of this world whilst caught in a dry state of spirituality as I have been the past 6 months? And if I am in a dry spell will I think to pray for Him to enter my heart and fill it with His light and life to quench my drying spirit?

I once was lost but now know where I am going when life here on earth is over and I am so thankful for this gift and to be loved by my maker. However I know that I can easily be caught up in things and inattentive to subtle changes in life...this I know all too well lately I hate to admit. But there is one thing that I always remind myself of and that one thing always prompts me to get into the word. That one things is love. He loves me. He loves us.

I don't understand it and yet I am not made to. How and why does he love me? I don't get it but it is beautiful. Have you ever wondered the mysterious way of how you have the capacity to believe in something you don't even understand? Yet when filled with the spirit is so easy to understand it completely. It is awesome! God's grace is what it is and what a blessing when it comes! I can't even explain it but if you have this personal relationship with your Savior you know what I am talking about.

I pray that I will obey the promptings of the Lord instead of putting off or discrediting the time I will spend reading in my Word. Due to the subtle changes in life I have allowed my sin to progress to becoming slothful and not feeding the spirit from Your word. I pray that I will make a daily effort to spend time with You. I admit that I have not kept my Savior in the forefront of my mind during this dry spell but know that if I persevere I will be in a green pasture! I just pray, for you know what is in my heart and where I am and I pray that I will receive you when you call me.

Day 2...

Life feels so empty without a partner by your side. If you've never had to do this then you have no idea. However I am not alone completely. I am never alone. I have the Lord. I trust His will. I trust my husband, there is a bond there that I never had before with anyone else.

I find I am trying to figure out ways to quit and go running to him. I know we could make it work if we rent our house out or if he comes back now...but doing so would not be in our best interest. Time will pass and I will adjust and find patience. Last night was the first away and we didn't get the chance to really talk much as he was settling in. Our house seems emptier than ever now and I worry about the things he took care of around the house. I find I am no longer cynical about our marriage and about what he does or doesn't do. It is true what they say in that distance can make the heart grow more fond.

I have things to do on the weekends no doubt, but it is still not the same. I am once again reminded by my family that if we move to WI permanently I will have no family near me. This is true but my family will always be where I can always visit them if I need to or they are just a touch away through the computer. I don't worry about it as everyone else does. Is it that I have outgrown this "needy" phase and they just don't see it? I love my family, but they are no longer my complete life like they were when I was asingle mother ten years ago. I find that I seem to be cast into this stereotype of someone that cannot leave their hometown and family which challenges me to want to leave all the more.

While Charlie's gone I'm not sad, just empty and going through the motions of life is all. I am hoping I can get my flight booked soon and I know I will need a lot longer than a couple days.

Love is funny. It starts out all froo froo, but as you mature in your relationship you find you are more companions than anything. You go through life together and share together. I don't necessarily miss the physical closeness as much as the talking, the cooking, the laughing, the sharing...

Day 1...

After dropping my husband off at the airport and then my daughter to my brother's for the day I set off for work where I found myself filling up at the gas station, crying and greiving that I miss my husband. There is an oddity that surrounds this place that I call home now. He's not even been gone a day. I didn't think it would come this soon - probably because we've been on each other's nerves for the past year and a half (other than when we were on vacation) so much so that I thought it would be a relief to be away from each other.

It just feels weird I tell myself. But then I realize it is more than that. It feels like I don't belong here anymore - that I belong where he is. What is this feeling about? The feeling comes when I drive past all the places that he was with me the week before like the grocery store, the bank, IHOP, the pharmacy. I dunno. It is just weird. It is like I know I need to be wherever he is and somehow through all of this I know it isn't here - at least not in the city we've been living in. I've been ready to move for a while now, I've outgrown this house and this area and especially the daily drive and I've come to realize this is going to be the start of some big changes.

You see this has been something we knew about a year and a half ago when Charlie's employer announced they were relocating and as such he'd be getting a nice severance package and/or offer to relocate. I at first liked the idea only as a way of getting out of what life was at the time, a way out of bad daily habits that I created, a way out of having to drive to work 30 minutes every morning, a way out of having to work full time...I say all this cause a year and a half ago I wasn't in good shape. I was in a rut of bad habits and didn't know how to get out. Since then I've come to know the Lord and with His grace the bad habits have been put out of my life. I am left today looking back and it didn't take going to Wisconsin to get back on track to being who I know I am. But after all is said and done I still feel this eagerness to move - I can't explain it....and the thing is moving doesn't entail moving out of state per say, but it sure feels like it...so I guess let's just wait and see.

With what Charlie is doing now by working in WI, we have financial freedom and new options. He will be able to receive a good bonus out of all this and knowing this I am preparing our life to change and that means moving out of this house - not necessarily to WI, but just somewhere different. I don't even know where. Whether we stay here or do move out there, we've come to realize we've changed and have different taste and desires/needs for a home than what we did when we moved out here - what we have now was good for us then, but we are ready for something different. Life has changed a lot, and it has personally changed me a lot.

As more and more time passes it is revealed to me that this has all been a part of God's will - because my relationship with Him didn't really start to bloom until when all this started I know it is His will...but I have no idea what for? How will He use us? And the even more sobering thought is that Charlie has this indication too, he has only mentioned it to me once though. That is the great thing about God's will, you are not meant to understand it, just trust it.

Earplugs....an armor of God?

The other night as I lay waiting for sleep, it never fails. Just as I get cozy and my mind calms down and am drifting off, something wakes me up. Usually it's snoring either by my husband or Pugsley, our female pug. Sometimes it's the fish tank or the neighbor's dog - no matter what it may be, I have always been a light sleeper.

Come to think of it, every night I lay awake while thinking of things. I am always the last one to fall asleep. Is this because I'm a light sleeper or because I can only seem to filter my thoughts when life quiets down? My husband even tells me from time to time that I think too much and yes this is very true. My brain takes its sweet time processing but I also enjoy pondering things.

So as I grabbed my pair of earplugs and enjoyed the quietness they brought, I thought, "I wish I could do this to those evil thoughts that I hear so often." And it occurred to me that its not earplugs I need for this, it is to be in the Word and relish in the Word. If I am spending my time thinking about God and His Word then how can Satan fit in and try to manipulate my thinking with his hidden agendas?

I pray that I will continue to grow in the Word and hold fast to my faith regardless of this "arid season" I am going through in my walk with God. Yes, I pray that the Word will speak to me again soon and He will enlighten me with His presence ever so strong.

A fellow Christian recently advised me that this "dry spell" is normal, that there are mountaintops and valleys. I've just allowed myself to think all this time I must be living in sin to have His presence missing, but I know this isn't true and it is what the enemy would like for me to believe. I must remain faithful, for the reward in the end will be well worth it!

"Jesus Loves the Little Ones"

As I was preparing for my Sunday school lesson for today with a Valentine's Day theme, I was reminded how much Jesus loves the little one's. It got me to thinking...

It is easy to love God's little children, for they have had not the time to become corrupted. They do not understand the separation from God as you and I do. They are still naive, pure, innocent, and naturally close to God. They just brighten your day.

The world has created every one of us to change from when we were little children. Things like the environment for which we live, lack of values or integrity taught, and the void left from worldly things that never fulfill our spirit. Even we as parents persuade our children to believe what we do and we don't even know how much rubs off on them until sometimes they are grown.

We were all little one's once and are reminded in the Bible that we ought to come to Jesus as if little children. Our hearts need be like theirs; honest, selfless, and sincere.

But to find love as naturally for those that do not have these qualities, now that is a something a little more for me to work on. I get insecure of their behavior, thoughts, or attitudes. I do not trust their motives. I tend to make bad choices when I interact with them and am left with the aftermath of frustration that I allowed them to influence me. The enemy knows this about me. He knows that I forget in only moments of what the Bible verse in Corinthians says about bad company corrupting good morals. But how can I love someone if I don't "like" them? Or better yet, how do I show someone I love them if being around them is too risky for my growing in Christianity? Am I alone in this feeling?

I think of the example of when Jesus just sat with the tax collector. He just sat and spent time with this man who knew he was a sinful man. How come I can't be like that? Why can't I simply spend time with people and just enjoy to be around them and not allow myself to be persuaded or influenced by them? Why does it seem like I am not allowing my light God has given me to influence them instead as Jesus did?

It then occurs to me as I write this that Jesus had the full armor of God.

I have been reading Proverbs these past few weeks and have learned a great deal of wisdom and taking heed about flattery, deceitfulness, and strife and what things can separate close friends. But so far I have not learned much about love. Should I skip to a different book? No, God instructs me to remain right where I am so as to discern my path first; something I never knew I could discern. My path has always just been to follow whatever came along, I never really understood what it meant by keeping it "straight" or that I had any say in doing so. Reading God's Word shows me the way to refrain from influential things in this world. I am still building my armor. I think ultimately learning to love they way Jesus did will be the end result once the armor is built and strong.

And all the while I try to comprehend His love for me, I still have not learned to love at all and He is okay with this. Like Proverbs says having the sincere desire and consistent seeking is what He wants from me. I pray for Him to continually teach me. It is unfathomable of the love He has for me let alone everyone of this world...deep down we are all like children, those little one's Jesus loves. I need to remember what it felt like when I was a child and come to Jesus in that way...I need to do this more often and learning to Love will come...as long as I continue to seek.

I read somewhere that it is easier to love than it is to hate, so why do I struggle with love? I find that I must first build my armor and follow His example of love. I can only do this by getting in the Word and I need to be patient with myself. Take note of the first three words in this verse:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
Corinthians 13:4