It has been a month since I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Hypermobility Syndrome. This last month hasn't been too bad pain wise and now that I have answers I think there has been less stress - which is a common trigger for FM. It has been an agonizing year and a half to say the least of not knowing why I was hurting the way I was or how to communicate it to people without getting a lot of unwanted advice. But here I am today and have decided to just be positive. Of course this is always easier when the pain is minimal.
But what I want to focus on more than anything is how much I love our God, how amazing He is to love us. This morning I was contemplating with the Lord on my trust in Him. That why whether or not I feel people think I am crazy for not trying the latest and newest prescriptions for my condition should matter. Do I really trust in Him and if I do why am I stopping myself from telling them that He is part of my life in this and in everything? Is He part of every bit of my life or do I just like to think so?
The scripture hits me hard, "Matt 10:33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven." - I then admit to my Father I realize I have denied Him so by not professing His name out loud when I share my hope and feelings. That I have kept Him hidden and only sharing bits and pieces. Sure people know I am Christian but I am I bringing Christ to them? I'm pretty good at expressing all my love to Him personally and quietly in prayer or in a blog but when will I grow outwardly in my expression? When will these thoughts and feelings from my heart grow on the outside for all to really hear and see? Yes, I've been pondering this one a while now and today I realized it really does matter to be bold.
So as I was thinking this I was prompted to ask myself, "When people ask me how I am treating my FM do I give them the answer based on what they think? On who they are or what they do or don't believe in?" I then confess to Him that yes, I have been. That to those I know in the Church I tell them with vitamins/supplements, sleeping techniques and of course relying on the Lord. But yet when someone else asks me I tell them the same but leaving the last part out and replacing it with "for personal reasons."
"Am I really relying on the Lord?" I thought. Then I asked the Father to help me be honest and if I am not trusting in Him to help me grow bold enough to talk about Him to those that may not know Him and to grow my faith into trust. I still remember His words not too long ago when He said "We will walk you through this..." - and I know my loving Father in Heaven that if I am not bold now He will teach me to become bold.
I love it when I have a conversation with the Lord and then later something pops up in relation to what I have been discussing with Him. He is so awesome in His timing that today at lunch and after all I had conversed with Him this morning the conversation came back all over again as if He was sharing with me personally. It happened when I began reading the weekly Pentecostal Evangel magazine. The first page began an introduction to articles of people with chronic pain or illnesses and their testimonies concerning relying on the Lord and how they were healed because of their faith in Jesus.
And I just smiled as I knew the Lord was still conversing with me...walking me through. Just as He promised.
