Love God. Love Others.10 Ponderings of the Heart

These words have been echoing in my heart the last couple of weeks, "Love God. Love Others." Matt 22:36-40  Why? Because as I see the world around me I know that this is the true Church, the only Church. Jesus told us so long ago that it is the most important thing we can do. He has commanded us to Love. Yet today His message is just as powerful as ever and the world is in need of it.

So as I've been thinking about these two greatest commandments, I have also been prompted to talk about them from my heart; Love God and Love Others. As I ponder on them and what they mean I hope to glean new understanding in my walk and become closer to God on a new level as well as anyone who may be reading this. There is always something revealed new with the Holy Spirit when you seek the answers to your questions. Our God is alive and active!

First, God is Love. What does Love produce? More Love. Of course if we love God first, it is intrinsically natural that we will feel expressions of love for others. Our view point changes about them and we find that we care for them. But how does a person love God if they do not know Him or believe in Him first?

Not all of us have that spiritual side from when we were children that connects to God without first knowing Jesus. Not everyone knows the sound of that still, small voice. For me, I've known Him for years as Father, Son, and Spirit before I knew Him each separately. For others they may struggle to know Him in any form at all.

I think the first spark of love for God would be to have the a faith that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Even a small amount of faith can move mountains. If you don't have this, ask yourself why? What are you afraid of? Ask Him, even if you have never prayed before, whisper in His ear the question why and ask him to help you to find Him. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He will show you things to repent of that you may not have been aware of before. Be authentic and ask for His forgiveness. When you feel the urge to sin of the thing you repent of, stop and ask of His help. Every day set a quiet time aside to continue to seek Him until you feel His peace and presence. It is an unmistakable feeling.

These two greatest commandments, loving God and loving others is given to us by His original ten commandments. I, myself, only recently understood them in a revealing new way and yet I am already 43 years old. You'd think when you read about the story of the commandments that God instructs Moses to give to His people in Exodus, you understand them, that they'd be simple to follow. They are cut and dry right? Almost like tasks. Yet as we try to work to keep them we almost fail immediately day by day. The key isn't in our work, but in Jesus'.

I love how the Old Testament is the gateway to the New. Like the Israelites who wandered aimlessly as well as myself, we may be in our 40's, 50's, even 80's before we come to truly understand who we are in Christ. Telling and reading the stories is one thing but it is another when you believe with your heart and your eyes and ears become opened. This is where revelation happens! I hope you'll read the next post where I'd like to ponder on the 1st of the 10 commands in Loving God and Loving Others.

Yielding to the Potter

Jeremiah 18:6New Living Translation (NLT)

⁶ “O Israel, can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand."

In the Pastor's message last week called "Become Aware" he mentioned a good analogy stating, "Clay yields to the potter, it does not tell the potter how to form it." This struck me. I know that in my walk I often find times I want to take the wheel and "think" I am going the way I am supposed to, the way He wants me to but I have tricked myself into thinking that just because I go to church and believe I am going the right way, I am not allowing Him to work in me at all - not the way He wants to work in me.

Father help me to once again yield to you, help me to be moldable again. And when the time comes, just as the pot made of clay has a new form of use, help me to also be useful for your Glory. Amen.

Aspirations Redefined

Have you ever been asked some questions that you were thinking about days later? I mean life questions...questions that really get in your mind, you know? Recently I have been asked some very thought provoking questions. Questions I felt I already knew the answer to. So when asked it was simple. But after a while I realized these questions I had answers for were ones I didn't stop to think about.

As we were driving home from our Bible study my husband asks me, "What is your ministry?" I wondered why he asked me but then quickly responded, "Hospitality of course." The car got quiet and I found myself thinking, "Doesn't he remember that I take care of the coffee and cleaning ministries at our church?" Then it occurred to me to remind him that I like to write and assumed he knew what I meant by it.

He then went on with an analogy about people being like light bulbs. There are those that are used to their fullest potential in ministry, therefore are putting out 100 watts of light. But then there are those that are serving because either they don't know where their ministry is or there is no one else to fill the need and they are giving off only 60 watts.

I agreed that is it obvious that we all have our specific talents and then me being the way I am didn't feel the need to discuss anything further. But it got me to thinking...of course. I started trying to identify if I knew what my talents really were. Thinking back I remembered that I have always been given the word "encourage" when praying about what  God's will is in my life. But is this considered a "ministry?"

After getting this word I started studying Scripture and ow use these verses to help guide me when I feel lost in my walk forgetting what God's will for me is or moreso how to use it.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Romans 12:6-8 "We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully."

Days passed and I had been thinking about this for some time and I spurted out to my husband, "I'd like to write devotionals." By that time he had no idea what I was referring to and he gave me a funny look. Although it seemed there wasn't any meaning to my answer to him any longer, for me there was and still is.

A few days later my daughter and I were driving home from church and out of the blue she asked me what the one thing was I wanted to accomplish on earth..."To write and publish a book," I told her. It came out just as easy as it sounded, after all it has been my answer for a long time. And after I told her this my mind was brought back to that question my husband asked and I have been thinking about it ever since.

I have always had it on my heart to write a book, but never thought of the things I like to do as a "ministry." I know one of my strongest gifts is writing but what I like to write is more like pondering on paper as if in a journal. I thought in the past I could write articles for magazines or just try to blog to send my written heart out through the web, but it never donned on me until now that Devotions are a form of ministry. I like to post short excerpts from my heart as they come to me - isn't this a kind of devotion? Does anyone enjoy reading this type of reading? I don't know but it is who I am and if I enjoy reading from people's hearts then I am sure there are others do too.

I love thought provoking material whether that be in movies, books, live entertainment, or just simple conversations. I know that our thoughts change and form our actions and character and I know that as my walk develops I find the desire to be a vessel for Jesus' church and to share with others so that they too are provoked to thinking, seeking, and finding answers that help them with their own walk. I pray for this growth to continue...

Lord you are the potter and I am the clay - I love that your mysteries are so living and real that there is never any end to them. Thank you for giving me a mind to ponder and to grow and to learn every day. You are so awesome in all that you do and I love you. I pray that I will strive to serve you with my time and writing as I grow in becoming part of your ministry for others. I pray that someday my dreams will be fulfilled and carried out so that I can be 100 watts of light for you. Amen.

Your Creation

Psalm 139:17-18

Dear Lord, 

I love to ponder Your creation. This earth I stand on. This earth that You created. How precious is all Your Creation! Everything is handcrafted with Your care. The thought You put into everything. The thought You put into me.

My memories as a child take me back to many instances where Your presence was with me. I didn't now You then as I do now, yet I knew You were there. There is one particular day that has been on my mind as of late and I am inspired to share it here...

As far back as I can remember, I enjoyed playing outside no matter the weather - each day was a new experience. I grew up in a home with an acre of land full of grass, plants, and trees. My father had a beautiful garden and pasture. Oh how I loved spending time alone there. There was always so many things to explore in my surrounding world - the colors - the textures - the sounds - the smells. And my thoughts Lord, I loved thinking so many things about them.

On this particular day, I was probably 5 years old, I really don't know, but I recall playing in the summer shade with the cool, silky, soil in my bare toes. I was hiding in the tall grape vines and pretending I was in another land. I remember pausing as I felt You there with me and in that moment I realized that this place I was in, this place called earth, was full of life! 

I then paid attention watching every detail with my eyes and how intricate everything became to me. It was as if You curled the tendril vines around Your very fingers at each end drawing them where they were supposed to go. 

I was amazed at the vast amount of branches that You orchestrated into a magnificent trellis around the structure they were given and how their life was engulfed into providing strength for the yielding fruit to come.

The large leaves woven with Your hands, were jagged and vibrant green, rough, yet soft and velvety to the touch.

I then turned to the grapes deep with this color called purple and noticed how each one of them donned such beautiful frosty bloom. As I touched them to feel their skin, my fingerprints were left behind imprinted on their being. 

The smell You gave them was so new and intriguing to my senses that I needed to know what was on the inside. So I borrowed just one and as I opened it I found seeds tucked in green flesh, not at all what I expected. I thought maybe they weren't ready yet, that I had picked this one too soon. 

The taste was not becoming to me with my sour face turned in. This was not the way I knew grapes to taste. "Shouldn't they be sweet?" I thought. And after removing the bitter pulp I still found the experience of Your creation in them more intriguing to me than the jam I helped Mom to preserve in those Mason jars the year before.

I love hiding there in our secret places Lord. Oh Lord, how I love to ponder on all Your creation! I am in awe of You! I love the thought You put into these beautiful gifts for us here on earth so much so that it does not enter my mind what You have in store for me in heaven!

Romans 1:20 " For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

Conversing with God

It has been a month since I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Hypermobility Syndrome. This last month hasn't been too bad pain wise and now that I have answers I think there has been less stress - which is a common trigger for FM. It has been an agonizing year and a half to say the least of not knowing why I was hurting the way I was or how to communicate it to people without getting a lot of unwanted advice. But here I am today and have decided to just be positive. Of course this is always easier when the pain is minimal.

But what I want to focus on more than anything is how much I love our God, how amazing He is to love us. This morning I was contemplating with the Lord on my trust in Him. That why whether or not I feel people think I am crazy for not trying the latest and newest prescriptions for my condition should matter. Do I really trust in Him and if I do why am I stopping myself from telling them that He is part of my life in this and in everything? Is He part of every bit of my life or do I just like to think so?

The scripture hits me hard, "Matt 10:33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven." - I then admit to my Father I realize I have denied Him so by not professing His name out loud when I share my hope and feelings. That I have kept Him hidden and only sharing bits and pieces. Sure people know I am Christian but I am I bringing Christ to them? I'm pretty good at expressing all my love to Him personally and quietly in prayer or in a blog but when will I grow outwardly in my expression? When will these thoughts and feelings from my heart grow on the outside for all to really hear and see? Yes, I've been pondering this one a while now and today I realized it really does matter to be bold.

So as I was thinking this I was prompted to ask myself, "When people ask me how I am treating my FM do I give them the answer based on what they think? On who they are or what they do or don't believe in?" I then confess to Him that yes, I have been. That to those I know in the Church I tell them with vitamins/supplements, sleeping techniques and of course relying on the Lord. But yet when someone else asks me I tell them the same but leaving the last part out and replacing it with "for personal reasons." 

"Am I really relying on the Lord?" I thought. Then I asked the Father to help me be honest and if I am not trusting in Him to help me grow bold enough to talk about Him to those that may not know Him and to grow my faith into trust. I still remember His words not too long ago when He said "We will walk you through this..." - and I know my loving Father in Heaven that if I am not bold now He will teach me to become bold.

I love it when I have a conversation with the Lord and then later something pops up in relation to what I have been discussing with Him. He is so awesome in His timing that today at lunch and after all I had conversed with Him this morning the conversation came back all over again as if He was sharing with me personally. It happened when I began reading the weekly Pentecostal Evangel magazine. The first page began an introduction to articles of people with chronic pain or illnesses and their testimonies concerning relying on the Lord and how they were healed because of their faith in Jesus.

And I just smiled as I knew the Lord was still conversing with me...walking me through. Just as He promised.

Fruitful Thinking

After what has been the longest winter ever I take time to notice God's creations all around me. I notice more and more lately dormant life beginning to emerge from the frozen canvas when spring is abound. The chirps of birds begin again, squirrel tails are hopping in the park again, and soon the colors will bring life to my eyes.

Even indoors I start to take notice of life God has given. For example, the bowl of fruit on my kitchen counter. Sure I keep a bowl out for my family for a healthy snack but mostly I love how it brings my kitchen alive. The other day it occurred to me how beautiful each piece of fruit is. How unique each one's shape, color, and taste are. How much thought God put into them for us. I then pondered how grateful I am to have them available at any time whether they are in season or not. That even though there is no grass growing until spring, I can still be blessed with God's abundance today! 

And of course during all this I was reminded of The Fruit of the Spirit. You and I have this fruit available any time - even if we haven't matured or grown in one fruit over another. It is still there in season or not. If I have Love, then I am more capable of producing Patience, if I have Patience and Love then I am grown to naturally produce Kindness. If I have one fruit the season is bound to bloom for another in time. 

As long as I am seeking life in the world's dark canvas, I will always find God's blessings. I pray you are seeking for the same.

On Thanksgiving...

When most people are asked what their favorite holiday is Thanksgiving is usually not the at the top. For me it is and always has been. I love Thanksgiving!

Thinking back a few years or more the reasons I remember loving it was for the time with family and the food and the memories I think I loved about it. As I have gotten older there are much more precious things that my heart takes notice of.

There is just something about giving thanks for all our wonderful blessings that fill my heart with joy and love. I try and be thankful each day of the year, but when everyone around you in this world is giving thanks in abundance at once this time of year there is no denying the love of Christ that draws near to us all.

As I see people post things on the Internet about what they are thankful for each day it reminds me that I too would like to show where I give thanks. I thought about doing something daily but to me that doesn't just seem like enough. This week at Sunday School I really found so much speaking to me that I want to just ponder on it more and felt led to share it. I love God's word for this. It is always renewing and refreshing my soul...just when I need it most.

In the Bible you have probably heard it said in James 4:8 "Draw near to God and God will draw near to you." (which is by the way one of my new favorite passages) but did you know that in John 15:4 Jesus says to His disciples, "Remain in me as I also remain in you?" I'm sure I've read it before but never heard it to the point where it is really being written on my heart. Paralleling these two phrases together shows that Father God draws us near and Jesus is what keeps us there. He never leaves. We are a dwelling where God lives by His Spirit! (Ephesians 2:22)

Sometimes I catch myself reading backwards. At John 15:3 Jesus tells His disciples that they are already clean because of the word he has spoken to them. Isn't it awesome that God's words cleanse us? There was a point and time in my walk that I was surrounded by Christians that were reciting Bible verses in response to some of my questions. I never understood how they remembered them until now that I have had my own experiences in God teaching me through His word.

As a growing Christian I am so thankful for God's word. It is one of the many keys to a growing relationship with Jesus and speaks truth and love.

Cleaning Day

Before I began my house cleaning today I opened the windows to let the fresh air and morning light in. As I started I became overwhelmed to see how much dirt was lurking in my house! Oh I knew it was there but not until seeing it I didn't realize how bad it was. It then occurred to me that without the fresh sunlight shining in through the windows I never wanted to really do anything about it. Out of sight out of mind have you but nonetheless still there.

My house is naturally dark, there are a lot of windows but there is also a lot of shade so not a lot of light shines through except in the mornings and I am rarely up as early on the weekends as I was today.

Later on as I was mopping I was reminded that in my own life I have a lot of dirt hiding in corners of my heart as well as in my thinking and my actions. I know these things are there but without Christ's light I do not see them enough to want to do anything about them. Deep strongholds have created so much dust and dirt over the years I am in need of cleansing so that I may be a better representative of Christ's love. I am so grateful to have the light shine in my darkness so that I may see and ask for the Lord's helping hand in cleansing my heart.

Did you know that the word heart is mentioned over 800 times in the Bible? It is a pretty important part of our lives that don't you think we should keep them cleaned? I know for me it is pretty important.

Psalm 51:10 KJV

¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

God Jealous?

Being what I consider a new Christian I have pondered God being a jealous God. I thought about it and couldn't understand how He could be jealous? Isn't He perfect? Aren't we taught to not be jealous? It was one thing I hadn't ever understood in the past 4 1/2 years in my relationship with the Lord. Until now.

So long ago I let it go but when it came up again the other day in conversation I found it interestingly enough a few days later the subject came up in church in a lesson. And WHAM. It hit me. I love how the Word of God does that! It just slaps me in the face and I know exactly what the truth is. No more disillusionment. This is evidence of the Holy Spirit that is at work in my life. He knows when I am pondering questions and seeking the truth and gives it to me just at the right time. Understanding the Word is a great gift of the Spirit and only by believing and accepting Christ does it come.

The Merriam Webster dictionary explains the word "Jealous" with the following definitions:

1a: intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness

 

 b: disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness

 

2: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage

3: vigilant in guarding a possession

 

God has every right to be jealous when we are unfaithful to Him - He created us and wants to keep us as His children. Interesting how now something that was thought to be so bad is now a precious gift? That you and I are possessions of God.

 

Think of a time you felt jealous. It is a strong feeling and it is because you deeply care about someone and the thought of losing them hurts so much inside it can stir a bit of anger. Isn't that awesome that he loves us so much to feel this way about us when we choose to follow a path away from him? To know that He hurts and has a desire for us speaks strongly to my heart.

 

I don't know about you but it makes me want to be all the more close to Him.

The answer to all things is love...

Love. How can anyone explain it. Why does God love us? How can we know the depth of love without first loving? Why was love was created? Where did God come from?

Just pondering...things too big to wrap my head around.

Love is awesome!

Oh Christmas Tree

So we didn't get a real tree this year. We invested in an artificial one - you know the one that is overly advertised to look the most realistic with just the perfect amount of needles and lights? It is the first year I have had one in 10 years. This is because my husband (whom I love for this) who has always been so adamant about our getting a real tree. I thought it was cute and always went along with it thinking it didn't make that big of a difference outside of the fun family outing. Yes, I knew would miss that - going to the same place each year, picking one out but didn't think anything else would be missed. Until now.

 

Oh sure to bring up the fact that there would be no mess and no going out in the cold and making sure it is secured on the SUV or having to feel bad for having killed it or taking it to the street when the new year comes I thought it was a great idea. Actually we all agreed it was easier to just get one we could put out each year at our convenience and not fiddle with lights and all that other stuff I mentioned. So we did it. However when we got it all decorated and up it didn't have any charm or character. No smell. No life. We love it and appreciate it, but it is just not the same.

 

It then occurred to me that this is odd in that I had real trees growing up as a kid and even later in life. I have even experienced going into the woods and cutting a tree down. So what is different inside of me now? It is different to me now because I have a relationship with Christ where in times past I hadn't. God's word written in the Bible is true that we are born again and made new. I have no doubt about this and will testify to it. But back to the tree...

I thought about what I missed with a real tree and pondered a moment or two. I began to feel a warmth and love come over me knowing how God has created so many things for us to enjoy. Thinking about the evergreen Christmas trees, I then thought about all the kinds of trees that grow around us - even the evergreens have so many variations. I moved on to the birds, the animals, the fruit, the vegetables. So much variety.

 

Also while thinking about this I thought how different we are as people, our characters, our charm, and our life. Not so much our smells, though - funny however. But thinking like this I know even more that God loves us and he formed each one of us with His own hands and heart. Every single person is so special. He admires us just as we do that Christmas tree. Just the way we are.

 

We are so blessed by a God that loves us so much and has given us so much and this Christmas season I do not take that for granted. I am so thankful for my Heavenly Father who sent His son to save us all. I am so thankful that He loves us.

 

Merry Christmas! I hope you all have wonderful season filled with love and fellowship with your relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Gearing Up

So I read James 1 5-8 from The Message and find that I am truly inspired yet again by the  living Word of God. 

"If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open."

It really speaks to me. It is a clear reminder of God's instruction to not be wishy washy. If we don't act like we believe we certainly aren't believing. In reading this I am convicted as I know I worry a lot in my prayers. Instead of letting my Amen be said, I have continued to spend time worrying about the very thing I am praying about even after I have just prayed! No wonder why it takes so long for my prayers to be answered! God waits on me to believe.

There are many prayers in my life right now that I have no doubt and am bold in belief, so why do I struggle with others?

This is the battlefield. Time to go back to The Book and gear up.

Proverbs, a word from the wise.

I am always sorrowed when I hear so many speak of others with hurtful judgment, especially those within their own family. In the Church we are all taught to love and forgive, so when did these teachings stop? Christ associated himself with people from all walks of life. He knew that we are all equally sinners and no one was any better than another.

 

I admit that it seems easier to follow the path of the enemy and cast stones than it is to be loving to strangers and purposefully help show them a different way, but I also know that is what the enemy wants. He wants us to go the easy route, the route that seems right when in fact it is wrong. He tricks us many times again, when all we need to do is practice love. Who better to practice than Jesus himself?

 

Over the past few years I have learned that there are many times in the Bible that God had forgave the Israelites time and time again, but it got to a point where they no longer listened or heeded his fore warnings that he had no choice but to stop forgiving them.

 

I don't want to get to that point in my own life - the point of not being able to forgive. So I pray that I will only be refined when there is trouble in my family no matter who the terrible judgments and gossip are pointed at. I also pray that those who feel compelled to judge others would become refined in the process of doing so. I don't know how but know that God is always working with his children in His own will, His own plan.

 

Proverbs is a wise book of the Bible and offers so much advice...in fact here are just a couple verses I received through email that happened to be the verse of the day when things were getting pretty tough in life this past week. Imagine how awesome it is to know that God is there when he knows I need it most!

 

He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise.

~Proverbs 11:29

Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.
~ Proverbs 26:20

 

No matter what may come from any direction, I will do my best to keep the Word close to my heart to know that the things I am going through are not things I will go through alone and that there is purpose for what is happening in my life. I pray for those who have feasted upon evil thoughts and things that entertain their minds would allow Christ to enter their hearts instead.

Walking today...

What a joy to wake in the morning with thankfulness in my heart! Every morning this week I have found I am counting the blessings the Lord has given me already as well as what I will receive one day...blessings that I can't even fathom. I am so amazed at how God works why do I ever stray away from Him?

Lately I have been focusing in my walk with God on how the fruit of the Spirit is working in my life. I try and recite the fruits aloud so that I will remain always thoughtful of where I am spiritually. I ask, "What fruit do I have today?" Where I find that I am lacking then I know I need to seek God further in His word and especially in Prayer.

While doing this, it occurred to me this morning on how much the fruit of the Spirit and the Armor of God go hand in hand, take a look at these verses:

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"

Galations 5:22,23

 

"Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere."
Ephesians 6:11-18

It is awesome to know that God sent not only Jesus Christ for our salvation but also a strong and Holy Spirit that will lead us through each and every day.

What am I Searching For?

So I came across an interesting conclusion yesterday. All my life I have been searching and seeking to find out who I am - but I need to be searching and seeking to find out who our Lord Jesus Christ is.

When I am quiet and allow the Spirit to move while seeking answers to my questions - my conversations with the Lord are so bountiful. I can't forget the power His words have to me and I love this gift He gave us so that we could have personal counsel with Him here on this earth.

About a year ago the Holy Spirit confirmed to me a that I have the map (the Bible) and now I need to find the light. Just when I have grown in Christ, I find I have so much more to learn which inspires me to continue seeking Him. That is the awesome thing about our Lord! He is so wondrous and fills my spirit just at the time I need it most! I look forward to each and every moment He answers.

To find light, I know this means seeking out the Light of the World - Jesus. God gave His son as a sacrifice for me and I am still learning more and more every day what this means and all I need to do is to continue seeking Him through prayer, His word, and through fellow believers to allow Him to work in my life so that I may partake of this wonderful gift. I have a long way to go but God has a plan for me in His timing. Each one of us are unique and different and so are all our plans God has for us. Isn't this pretty neat to think about?

Stinkin' Thinkin'

I've been reading Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind and can I just say I am so glad to know that I am not the only one that has struggles here!

She's right, we have stinkin' thinkin' and in so many areas of our lives. I find myself thinking wrong thoughts almost constantly!

When reading others' blogs I often why they can always "seem" to be so positive and always uplifting. Joyce says this takes a lot of time and practice to get rid of the stinkin' thinkin' - and that it also takes a lot of God. I pray that one day, sooner rather than later, my walk will be mature enough to focus on the positive. In the meantime I will continue to remind myself in my walk that this is part of the process - even if I don't understand it. I know that the enemy is fighting this war in my mind and while he thinks he is getting to me, I also know it is all part of the process to recognize that it is the enemy who is interfering with my spirituality and so I learn to rely on Jesus for my strength. I also have learned to accept that I need to ask for His forgiveness when I do allow my thoughts to take me captive. Even when Satan tells me I don't deserve to ask or to pray, I know that I am worth it! I am that lost sheep and He is my Shepherd.

I highly recommend Joyce's book and I know I will be reading it again just as soon as I am complete with it.

It's been a long time...

I caught myself reading my blog here today. It is amazing how in just moments I became inspired with what I wrote! If I hadn't known I was reading my own blog I wouldn't have been able to tell you that these posts came from me...in fact I don't even recollect those feelings ever existed in me to write such wonderful things. But now just as soon as I obey allowing God to open my heart - everything I know of the Truth and Love all comes pouring back in. See how long it has been?

Over the last 8 months I have regretfully let myself become distracted with being lazy in my walk. I am the only one to blame knowing that I have distanced myself from the Lord. And it is sad that I knew it would happen all along...just letting the light become more and more dim each day. I have been ignoring the promptings from what I know to keep myself built up - I stopped going to church, I stopped associating with the people from church, I stopped reading my Bible, and I stopped blogging about my walk. However I didn't stop believing. I know He still keeps watch on me and that I am truly unhappy when I don't keep near Him. Why then do I seem to continue on this path of life with the struggle to wander off from time to time?

Where did my zealousness go? When did my drive and excitement for life through the church of Jesus Christ leave? I am reminded of how my mother so long ago told me to keep encouraged, that I have a gift for writing. But my gift is not for writing, it is for living in the Light. We all have this gift. And yes, we must be encouraged to remain in it. This is why we need others in our lives at all times who are on the same walk with God. They may be at a different time in their walk, but they are walking just the same. I read in Ecclesiastes 4:10 "If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." So for my mom to have said this to me is something I will never forget and it is what has kept me inspired to keep this blog especially lately when I haven't felt I have lived a well enough life to tell about it.

Reflecting through these past few months, I realize I am still learning and growing. Maybe I am not so stagnant after all? I found that when I am not sinning I do better to recognize the enemy's voice coercing me to sin. This is something I think the Lord needs me to do believe it or not. To recognize when I am being tempted and to continue to seek Him for strength. And how could I know this if I hadn't been tempted in the first place? I don't always listen to take note and hear the enemy's voice so many times I never knew what was going on really, I just listened to it and followed it.  The enemy thrives on my shortfalls and tries to bring me down each and every time. Satan makes it sound so appealing but then I am reminded of how in sin I feel horrible and dirty so much to the point that I am drawn to be nearer to the Lord. And yes, just like my father my Heavenly Father has to teach me the hard way to get me to listen.

Just like Satan who doesn't give up on tempting me, Jesus too never gives up on me. It is up to me to seek and listen when he responds to my prayers. I find that I am starting to be able to admit that I cannot do this alone and that in itself opens my heart for His love. (Part of my struggle has been allowing Satan leading me to believe my prayers are insignificant and that I should not be worthy to even have them, but that is another lesson I am still learning and will probably write about some time during this journey.)

I have been allowing my thoughts to become depressed thinking aobut reaching the last year of my third decade. I feel old and that I have wasted so many good years of my life not knowing God therefore where can I go now? Will I be strong enough to pursue living a life that pleases him? Why couldn't I have chosen the path early in life like so many others? I've allowed my self to feel that I haven't accomplished anything for God's sake so where will my next half of life mean for anything if I spend it learning how to become Christ like. I felt I should be mature in my faith by now so that I could be the role model for my daughter that I wasn't for my boys so many years ago. I realize this is again the enemy getting at me. He tries to trick me into thinking I am not good enough for my Heavenly Father that He would even want me. I sometimes agree with him that I shouldn't try to be someone I am not. And then I know better. I know I am a child of God and that he loves me. I know that Jesus encourages me to live my life for God and do all that I can to strive to be better, but that He also loves me the way I am. And so my battle here is perfection. I am led to believe that I need to be fully worthy in everything I do in order to gain His love at all, but that isn't true.

I meant only to post a short amount here but as you can see much more emotions and spirit is coming forth than I had thought would and as I write this I picture myself starting all over in the morning with the last 8 months I have wasted to be past me, yet it is much harder than that. I know tomorrow I will still be struggling with keeping my life on the path near God, but He is always there in every morning's light. In my thoughts, my prayers, and my heart. I realize how important church is in order to stay encouraged and in the Love He has given us, that the fellowship with others really makes this life more bearable for the time we are here. The strength that it gives us to hold fast against temptation and the beauty it brings to our life, our words, and our thoughts. (Even in blogging!) I pray that I will return back and no longer allow myself to be tricked thinking I am a stranger feeling out of place.

This lifetime of mine is only a day of His eternity, and while I have this inspiration this very moment to write and share my walk's experience, I also know I must truly learn to be careful. He listens to my cry from the path across Him, He is waiting for me to come toward the light during this dark period. And I can't help but be tempted to feel I have failed because yet again he is waiting for me. I start to wonder how many times I do this before he will not wait any longer. Then I reminded of the story He gave about forgiveness and how many times a person shall be forgiven and I also remember the scriptures that tell me the Spirit and that God's love will never leave once we accept the Lord. (Romans 8:9-11 & 8:38 )

I love the Lord. I Thank Him for His love for me. I am a child of God.

"For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."
~ James 1:3, NLT

Living and Loving on Purpose

Matthew 15:36 "And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude."

Being away from my family in Utah this Thanksgiving I knew would be hard. After all this first year away will pose all kinds of new situations. But we also knew when we moved here there was purpose for it happening, a purpose for God. While we don't always know what that purpose is, Christ is always discussing and conversing with God about us when we pray. With prayer comes action. I am thankful for prayer and the gift of love this season. For I am in need of both every day!

This year I will be learning to love outside of my family. To begin we have invited a family over for Thanksgiving dinner that is in need of some relief due to stress and a tight schedule. Charlie and I felt so inclined as to find a family such as this in our church body and offer them into our home - of course God pointed us right away to them but little did I know how much it would mean to them for us to do so. Iin fact, there was such an overwhelming feeling that came when the mother of the family and I realized that both of our prayers were answered at the same time. I can't even explain in words how awesome God works. My first experience in this type of love was joyful.

Today the spirit has laid two thoughts on my heart that I am now pondering on. They came to me while driving home after Beth Moore's bible study today. I am challenged by them. She talked about living life on purpose - so it got me to thinking about loving on purpose. Love is what brings life.

It has always been so easy for me to love my family, but I never knew how to love those that I was not related with. Well since we moved out here I knew I would be stretched for His glory, this was confirmed to me prior to arriving. Knowing there may not be a possibility of my blood family to come here, I prayed about it and had faith He had a plan.

Christ teaches us with his example from the verse above by giving to others and also thanking. We are all family and we ought to love one another as He has loved us. The first thing is to open my heart up for this desire and of course He knew the timing I would need for it. Living life on purpose means loving on purpose. I want to live and love on purpose just as Christ did. What else is this life for?

Prayer Request

So here I am. It has been a while. I find I usually do not want to write here in this blog unless I am completely and whole heartedly on the right side of my walk - meaning when I am in awe of the spirit and led to write about the awesome things. I feel led today though to share where I have been. I have been in need to identify and deal with what I am going through rather than waiting painstakingly for this season to pass.

However today I want to remind myself that just because the name Christian has Christ in it, does not mean we are perfect. I need prayer and what better way to ask for it than to post a request here?

So here I am, struggling with sin and have allowed to let my walk go by the wayside. I read others' blogs and they are always so in tune with God and His Word, I begin to wonder what is wrong with me? Why do I feel the need to also post the times I am in battle.

I thought at first I was going through spiritual warfare, but today I know I am simply being convicted. I so badly wanted to live my life differently 2 years ago and then when I started this walk it was so awesome I never thought I would allow anything to interfere with my relationship with God.

Boy was I wrong. I have tripped up with sin. Sin of slothfulness, coveting, worrying, and lack of self control.

Sure I can blame it on our moving, I can blame it on the stress, I can blame things all I want but reality is that I am allowing my walk to go on the wayside. I say allowing because I am not over this yet, I have a lot of work to do. But I need prayer to start with. Prayer allows God to move, this I know.

In comparison to what I see other Christians write I realize that this is because as a Christian we are to lift each other up, and that those I read online are probably doing very well in their walk. They are great influences and examples to me. But I still wonder, does anyone have these struggles too and just does not write about them?

As I am working on these issues in my walk, I know with Christ there is always a renewed hope each morning, therefore today I am hopeful. Today I will pray rather than worry. Today I will be joyful and be obedient.

Yes, I sometimes need to take life, but more importantly my walk with God, one day at a time, not every day is perfect for me. Not every day have I tried either. Please pray that I may have and keep my faith and obedience just for today.

On Music...

I am a big thinker. As if you cannot tell. I like to listen to music that makes me think, makes me recall events, makes me ponder. Ever heard a song on the radio that totally fits you to a T? Here's one I've been hearing lately that does me - makes me think back over the past two years as I have come to know know Jesus.

"Born Again" performed by the Newsboys.

I found myself looking into the mirrior

Knew I wasn't who I wanted to be

I was living like the way that I wanted

But my eyes reminded me I'm not free.

Believed that I saw everything that I know

Says I got to go, tired of going solo

But I'm never gonna go there again.

This is what it is

This is who I am

This is where I finally take my stand

I didnt want to fall

But I don't have to crawl

I'm not the One with two scarred hands

Giving him the best of everything thats left of

The life inside this man

I've been Born Again

I see you walking like your living in fear

Having trouble even looking at me

Wishin they would give you more than words

Sick of people telling how it should be (how it should be)

Whats your download, where'd you get your info,
you saw that I'm show now your in the inload

Gonna tell you what I believe

This is what it is

This is who I am

This is where I finally take my stand

I didnt want to fall

But I don't have to crawl

I'm not the One with two scarred hands

Giving him the best of everything thats left of

The life inside this man

I've been Born Again

We are the ones they call by name

(I'm never gonna look back)

Let go let go the guilt the shame

(Said I'm never gonna look back)

This is who I am

This is what it is

This is who I am

This is where I finally take my stand

I didnt want to fall

But I don't have to crawl

I'm not the One with two scarred hands

Giving him the best of everything thats left of

The life inside this man

I've been Born Again