Why I am a Christian

I have been contemplating something for all my life. The truth.

The verse below describes what I feel.

Job 32:18 NLT
"For I am full of pent-up words,and the spirit within me urges me on."

The question that I am led to find an answer for:

1 Peter 3:15 NLT
"Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it."

Why do I believe what I do? Sure I've always felt good about things or known what the results would be if given a generic answer, but I was never really able to truly answer why I believed what I believe. I needed to know and unfortunately until I finally asked myself this question, I found I didn't really believe in anything to my surprise.

This verse has really been etched in my mind. When asked, what will I say?

I have noticed others when asked as to why they believe what they believe I hear them replying with "We" statements rather than "I" statements. "We believe" this or "We practice" that. It almost sounds as if they have rehearsed the faith statements given by their religion or church and have used it for their answer of why they have hope. But where is the answer explaining the root of their belief on a personal level? Most importantly, where is mine?

After some thought I hope to find that maybe they weren't prepared for this answer either. That their thoughts and beliefs are not just stemmed from the church they are attending and that they truly do have an intimate relationship with Christ. This happens all the time though. People get in the "We" mode and don't think for ourselves, myself included. Had I been asked a year or more ago why I believe what I do, I hate to say that I wouldn't have been able to tell you.

While I don't have a lot of knowledge of religion, I do have the experience of having been in one and know now that I never felt it was "right" or "true" to practice there in. Not for me it wasn't. That plain. That simple.

You see, I was raised in the LDS church and from my memory we did some of the practices such as family home evening or girls camp - really good quality time spent together and as a child I soaked it all in. But I never recalled reading scripture or having discussions personally as a family. I don't ever remember being taught that personal relationship with Jesus was something I could have.

Maybe this is the root of my unbelief then? That I was uneducated? Educated or not, the naivety along with no desire or inquisition of the religion I grew up in, I was not subject to grow in it. I don't think I was supposed to either. I believe God has a plan for all of us to come to know Him in a unique way and in His timing.

Since then I've never had the desire to seek any religion. Just God. And now that I have truly found God, I have also found Christ. I have found Him like I've never found Him before.

Why do I believe what I do? Why am I a Christian? Because I wouldn't dare put anyone else's name in place of Christ and for good reasons:

1. Christ is complete. Whole. There is no need for anyone else. His son to whom He gave to us on purpose for purpose. Praise Him and the Word He delivers to us through the messages. Doing this completes me. I have no need for anything else. If I did, why then would Christ's second coming be so important? No wonder why I never understood - I was reading the wrong book and was taught religion, not relationship!

2. I have a personal relationship with God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit - the trinity. These are the three living beings that constantly reveal to me God's plan of love, compassion, mercy, grace, conviction, forgiveness, etc. that I cannot deny! I find God's Word every time I open the Bible or simply in prayer or conversation with Him. Add to this the messages received and praise given to glorify Him completely charges my spiritual battery! I am spoken to in so many ways and am so appreciative of it. Grace and miracles are so abundant before my very eyes.

3. I love Jesus and am amazed by His sacrifice for me. I know His plan of salvation for me and I know that my only work here on earth is to influence others for His sake and for the Glory of God. None of the work I do for Him earns me a spot in heaven, He paid for it all on the cross.

4. The Bible is living and active. There is no supplement. The Bible is the ONLY Word from God. The Spirit tells me this. The Bible didn't always speak as a living Word to me, but since I have persevered, sought, and received Christ as my savior revealing the gift of my salvation to me, the Spirit has been strong within and the Bible living and active. The enemy enjoys distracting us away from the truth and unfortunately time was spent during a large part of my life focusing on the wrong book.

5. I am witness. I have had many revelations, prayers answered instantly and not so instantly but all answered the same. God is consistent. There is meaning and actual purpose for my fasting that I never even realized. I have learned this, and that it is not just a ritual everyone does on the first Sunday of the month.

6. Relationship. I have a relationship with the Lord who walks with me daily. To know that Jesus died for me, is utterly heartbreaking but I know He did it for Love. I now converse with Him during this time with Him and thank Him like I never have before.

7. I need Christ. God loved me so much that he sent His only begotten son for me. I need a Savior. I am a sinner. Until I realized this, I could never really accept Jesus as my Savior. Interesting how the enemy kept me feeling comfortable in sin.

8. God tells me so. Believe me, I have asked of Him, "If I am to be in a setting for you Lord, show me where? If the way of religion is true show me and I will obey." He showed me Christ and revealed his Word in the Bible and the plan of salvation and I now know the truth. I am so gratefule that I finally came to know Christ and His Gospel.

I am a Christian because I believe in Christ and His Gospel. I am proud to have "Christ's" name first and foremost in my thoughts. Religion doesn't work for me. Relationship with Christ does. And like I said earlier, I wouldn't put anyone else's name in place of Christ's. Therefore I am Christian!

All in a Day's Work

"So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God." ~Ecclesiastes 2:24 NLT

I came across this verse today. It reminded me of how pleased I am too have found this of many realizations of God's hand is in my life. Before I started walking with Him, I never noticed.

I have been guilty so many times dreading daily chores, but whenever they are completed, I stand back and with a breath of fresh air I gain a sensation of accomplishment and much peace. The difference now is that I really get much more than that. It feels good as if God is smiling upon me, that He is proud.

I remember as a child I once asked my mom, "How come we have to work?" You see my siblings and I were always in charge of the little details of the garden. Whether it was burying seeds, weeding, snapping beans or peas, or shucking the corn, we were always put to good use. As a kid, I'd rather had spent my time playing the in the foamy "Indian" soap where the water met at the end of the furrows in Dad's garden. Looking back, I now realize I was taught a good lesson that day when mom replied, "Because Jesus wants us to." Ever since then I've pondered about this statement and accepted there was something more to working. I just never really knew what that was until recently. Walking with God has really opened my eyes to a lot of things and this is just one of them. I am excited to see what the future holds!

No matter how small the chore is, it is still given as well as received by God as good. I love that through Him I am able to appreciate the outcome of a good hard day's work!

Prelude to a Monday Morning

In a perfect world my laundry would be put away...my house would always be vacuumed and free of pet hair...my coffee pot would always be full...and I would have enough time in the day to meet everyone's needs as well as my own.

But it is not a perfect world. If it were, what would there be to appreciate?

Why do I complain about these things but am able to appreciate them when they are done? I work. But even if I didn't, I would still wish for the same things. I guess work just feels like a lot of distraction to me most of the time. So I remind myself that it has so many rewards - the opportunity to help people using the resources our agency offers, the future it will help my husband and I when we retire, the health benefits my family receives, the ability for me to personally grow and influence others around me, and to be able to find friends in coworkers who also know God and to share with them something so wonderful in common. Not to mention the job where I am working was and has been truly a blessing in my personal life, but that is another story. A story where God really intervened in my life. I will have to tell it sometime!

Working full time I often find I compare my life to that of stay at home mothers. I do this while at work assisting the public, reading others' blogs online, seeing my neighbors, spending time with my family, and while getting to know others at church. Well okay, it's not often I compare - it's a lot. I then let the enemy create guilt which then turns to envy and then all together judgement. I start judging them, judging myself, and before I know it I've let all kinds of negativity in. After much self pity I realize what is happening and think, "Isn't it easier to focus on what I do have?" I may not have a lot of time - well okay "as much time" as I'd like to do what I want to do - but I try to make the most of what I can. I just want to do even more! Things like making my home a home, spend more time with my daughter, really clean & organize my house, cook more, garden, offer more to my church's needs, and most of all to give myself more to God. I do all these things, but they are in small amounts divided amongst each other. My poor husband and daughter usually get my time when I am multi-tasking instead of when I am able to focus 100%.

It's not that having the laundry or the vacuuming done would deem my idea of a perfect world. What would be perfect would be to have the time to do it all. So I imagine while time here on earth "seems" long many days and short on others - like today where I want to do so much more but have run out of daylight and energy - I am reminded of what time really is. Eternity. Eternity spent with the Lord is the perfect world! This is my focus and it is a good focus. Being a stay at home mom or a working mom is not...I am a daughter of God and His servant no matter where I am or how much time is spent there.

So I pray today, to the One who is perfect, the one that is all. The great I Am. I pray that I will be able to make the most of my time for the rest of this day and for the rest of tomorrows for my family's sake for my sake but most of all for Your sake.

Thank you Lord for coming into my life today and to those around me that I love. It means so much to me to hear you speak to them. Thank you for reminding me that even if my house is disorganized at the moment, my spirit is not. I praise you for this. Amen.

Small Talk?

Have you ever been out shopping and came across a messenger for Christ? Or even heard Christ's words through others when you least expected it?

I have. Both times the gentlemen looked similar - dark hair, dark eyes, leathery tan skin, and were both inconspicuous to others.

The first time I was at the Harmon's grocery store back in 1999, just before I encountered my mental break. I remember the gentleman who was bagging my groceries. He was an older man, black hair, dark eyes, and had glasses on that were had a crack in one of the lenses. Out of the blue he started telling me a story about how his daughter ran out of gas at Lagoon, a local amusement park. She called him at midnight, and when he got there to help her, her only comment was "cool." I don't recall him saying anything else. I was hearing a lot of things in my head at that time due to my mental illness, but this was different.

On my way home I thought, "Why was this guy telling me this story and why is it ingraining in my head? Why did it feel as if he were talking 'to' me?" And then it hit me, it wasn't him who was relaying a message to me but Christ. I knew in my heart He was responding to my prayers at that time for help to get me out of the situation I was in. What I heard was:

1. I was using drugs and partying for 2 years attempting to have fun to pass time and distract myself from my problems with self medication = amusement park.

2. I became spiritually empty = ran out of gas.

3. So I prayed = called my Father.

4. I wasn't sure about that last part other than it was something that I could relate to. Being that at that time my only relationship with God was for crisis interventions and nothing more. I didn't get the point of the last part where she told her father "cool" and assumed she learned her lesson.

I didn't get it until now.

10 years later I now know the true meaning of my relationship with Christ. While I can call on Him any time when in need, I also know what He has taught me to do to live well and that I need to make a commitment to it. I have learned to seek His Word to keep my spiritual tank full and to praise him at each and every blessing big or small.

The second time was last month of this year. I was at Walmart. I had an impression in my heart for a while to get Charlie a fishing license for Father's Day. As I approached the sporting goods desk I found the clerk with other Walmart workers gathered around him in a circle. He was talking to them about something although I am not sure what. They were all there as if in unison. As soon as he saw me the others left instantly. I have never seen so many associates at once in the sporting section let alone gathered in a circle like that, but intersting that it reminded me of how people would have gathered around Jesus as soon as I saw it.

The gentleman looked similar to the guy at Harmon's 10 years ago. Dark hair and eyes except his hair was "Salt & Peppered" and he did not have glasses.

I had asked him about a fishing license, that if my husband had to be present in order for me to purchase one. I had told him I was getting it as a Father's Day gift. As we were making the transaction the clerk told me how that was a great gift, that his children used to give him one for Father's Day. He said he loved fishing and that he learned to fish from his Father; that none of the other "kids" wanted to learn. He showed me the best fishing pole they had for a good price and then I quickly urged him to finish the transaction before Charlie caught up with us. He finished up and spoke to me saying, "If you have any questions, I am always here. If I am not here you can ask someone here to call me."

I recall all the words he said to me as if I were still there. In my heart I hear:

1. My father taught me = God the Father created Jesus who was a "fisher of men."

2. Kids = "goats" were not interested to learn.

3. To call him anytime or ask someone to call = prayer.

Again, the words that he spoke to me were not every day customer service or casual talk. There was something about the tone in his voice that reminded me of the bagger at Harmon's. And knowing that I was prompted to by the fishing license leads me to believe differently. After all Charlie hadn't expressed wanting to fish, we hadn't been in a long time. I am not even sure the license will be used, but this message I received will last a lifetime.

Sometimes small talk isn't small at all...if you're listening.

Personal Road Construction....Look for the Detour Signs

Life is like a series of roads. You are driving along enjoying the view. Sometimes you get a flat tire, sometimes you hit road construction. Every day this summer I have had to take a detour away from the construction. Without the detour my drive would be frustrating and much longer. My goal is to get home, but constructively. Sounds a lot like life, doesn't it?

Yesterday morning on the way to work I was listening to the daily radio program called Running to Win. Pastor Lutzer stated in his message of how Satan makes sin attractive in order to break fellowship with God. Therefore we must remove whatever is keeping us from growing in Christ.

The hardest part for me about this has been identifying what influences in my life are keeping me from becoming close to God. It isn't so much that they are hard to identify than it is that I am often in denial about being influenced. Now that I am aware of what they are I am finding how much these influences are around me and my family and their abundance. I thought I was the one that had the power to ignore these influences but now without the gift of the spirit I know I am powerless.

The Pastor told of a lady who was living with her boyfriend. She decided to start walking in the truth and asked him to leave so that they would not be committing sin any longer. He would not leave. She eventually had to force him out with the authority of the police. Turned out that she and he didn't stay together and that it was for the better.

I have a good friend that I think my detours are affecting the most. My changing that is. Not because of anything she did, but because of a lot of stuff we did together. About 3 years worth that is. The stuff we were doing together was sinful in nature and I am trying to forgive myself for allowing it to go on so long. We weren't very good influences for each other and we both knew it. So many times I was given promptings to be the example but didn't have the strength to do it alone and gave into the enemy. After a few years I found God for help but am still not sure how to be an example without letting the past get in the way. I have become bitter about it and toward her, which is not right. I was the one that did not set boundaries so how can I blame anyone else for what happened?

I have had to ask for some space in order to reconcile these feelings and also hope that after some time passes we can start a new relationship and have forgotten the old. I believe God put her in my life for a reason and thoughts of her are on my mind constantly. I pray that we will remain friends and that I learn to be strong with God's will.

Satan doesn't care where he goes from one place to the next. I need to stay where I know is safe and where I am led by the Spirit. If I were to keep doing what I've done, I'll keep getting what I get. So I have chosen to take a detour and hope to meet my friend in a new spirit without negative feelings I have been harboring. I pray the Lord will cleanse me and fill me with love to as I am learning so that I may continue grow and be the person, mother, wife, and friend I desire to be.

Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.
~ Colossians 1:10, NLT