On Giving

Each week it is my job to collect the offerings at our church and make the deposit to the bank. I don't think much of the checks or the bills that I find in there, I just simply collect them and praise the Lord for all that He gives to our tiny little church. Today however was different. There in the corner of the giving box under the checks it sat all alone. A single solitary cent. It wasn't a shiny new penny, it was a plain hard water stained penny.

This penny was probably dropped in the box by a child from our congregation after seeing his or her parents dropping their money in and wanting to duplicate the action. Or it could have been a child who thought it a thrill to see it fall in as if he or she would be getting a prize in return such as a gum ball or toy. Maybe it was put there while mimicking making a wish at a wishing well. I'll never know.

As I reached to get it I was reminded of all the times I found pennies on the ground and how I debate whether or not to take the effort to pick it up from the ground. I could have picked it up by the time I decided but hesitated all the while thinking, "Where will I put it? It's probably dirty." Of course anything I found larger than a penny I had no question.

I am embarrassed to say as I was placing that penny in the deposit envelope I seriously thought it got in there by accident, just like all those ones on the ground. I even asked myself, "Do I deposit this?" Then just as quickly as I asked, I answered, "Of course I do!" I then smiled and thought of the little hands that took the time to give it for God's purpose.

Many people, including myself, don't think a penny alone is worth much. I hate to say that for a very long time I have had this same picture of myself. I found I am wrong. I now know the truth. Individually I am and always will be of value because I am never alone - I am in Christ and am one of God's children made in His image. A penny's value is in the untold stories of where its been, how it got there, who loved it, who SAVED it, and the purpose it served. Just like people in our lives we come across, God places pennies and dimes and nickels in all sorts of spots that we don't expect them to be.

When I was a child, I rarely realized the true gift in giving until one day in the 4th grade, my friend and I had an argument. I am not sure how much time passed but I know it felt so discouraging day after day to go to school and no longer talk with her. So out of my heart I thought of her and as we were making our Valentine's Day crafts, I had decided I would offer mine to her as a gift. She instantly smiled and we were friends from then on. Ever since then I long to seek giving to people whether it be the perfect gift or the timing. It brings me great joy!

Giving is the true gift and it's those that give with a cheerful heart know this feeling I am talking about and they are the ones that receive the gift. The gift of God's love in return. The joy of it just makes you simply smile.

2 Corinthians 9:7 (NIV)

"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

The answer.

Seeking guidance this morning with prayer. His voice and word "repent" came to me.

I have made many mistakes in my life. Many too quick decisions.

I try to say things and they come out wrong. Am I illiterate or is it that I speak before I think? Like my writing I am impatient to proof read my thoughts and whilst in the emotion of something I feel it is right and must be heard or not heard at all.

I am wrong.

I am learning.

I have hurt family and never meant to. I did not use wise judgement and seek God's help with the situation and ask Him what I should do with it.

I reacted to something I thought was an act of vindictiveness to me about something but should have not. Something just recent. It brought back feelings of old that were stored away and that I thought were no longer there.

I try to justify that I need be heard but really I need to pray and let Him hear me.

I failed at that. Just so you know. I do acknowledge this.

I am truly sorry and I realize this is probably too little too late. But in the Lord I always have hope.

Those of you that know who you are, I know you are close to God. Please pray for me - I seek answers but do not know how to always ask for them.

I am growing.

Yet I know thy word and seldom remember it when I need it most. I pray for getting better at this.

I fear I let some bitterness spark a very bad decision. Not anger, but bitterness. Thinking I needed to express that I was aware of something and wondered if there was an answer to it, I was prompted to make a move. Seeking resolution was what I thought was the right answer. I should have prayed and asked God what would Jesus do with this situation first instead of blurbing my feelings and opinions on others.

I so need thy word inscripted into my heart...especially at these times.

"Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires."

~ James 1:19-10, NLT

"Don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you, think about it overnight and remain silent."

~ Psalm 4:4, NLT

Repentance.

That is my answer. Prayer is my answer.

Thank you Lord, for always answering my prayers. Please help me to trust...like the man with the opressed son who said to Jesus, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"