The other day I was traveling to a meeting for work. It was around lunchtime and I had planned on stopping to grab something to eat beforehand. As I was entering the parking lot to get to the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant, I encountered a man who looked homeless. There were several grocery bags hanging from an overly full green backpack as well as on each hand. He was wearing ragged pants and was walking very slowly either because he was very tired or just simply had nowhere to be. He then glanced up at me several different times looking right at me as he walked on. At first I thought nothing of it - that he just felt my looking at him so he looked back. After that split second of a moment it was then knew God was leading me to give to him. Although I didn't have any cash on me to hand to him I could have asked him what he would like to eat. But no, I didn't dare roll down that window! And why? I was too afraid I'd feel uncomfortable in reaching out.
Just after that, God still gave me an even easier chance. Right at the very moment I was getting my food from the employee at the window, the homeless man was approaching the entrance of the restaurant right in front of me and very slowly. I had my window already down from taking the food and I could have just simply handed him the food right before he went in the doors with little discomfort or talking. But I didn't. I felt terrible after that, worse than I would have if I had went outside of my comfort zone and just gave him the food. I drove away from the pick up window slowly while watching him in the rear view mirror. I was thinking at every moment to turn back and yet at the same time expecting him to come running to me to ask for the food. What was I thinking? Instead he finally disappeared into the restaurant. My chance was gone.
As I drove to the office where my meeting was I thought, “I hope that someone will give him some food there,” or “He must have money to buy his own or why would he be going there?” I ate my meal guiltily in the parking lot of where my meeting was and when I was done I wept and asked for God's forgiveness. I admit that I'm new walking with God but not so new that I didn't know what was going on. I knew what I was supposed to do but didn't dare! I can only begin to really grow once I start going out of my comfort zone. I guess the first time is all it's going to take to make that beginning. God made everything so clear to me and gave me every possible easy chance to obey Him, yet I still didn’t take heed
He put it all together so perfectly too. Looking back I now realize that I left for my meeting a little later than I had planned and didn't know what I was going to do for lunch or if I even wanted lunch. I remember thinking to myself while driving and trying to decide where to stop,"I don't really need to eat,"and was referring to my flesh that always seems to have one or another desire and/or need. I get tired of it I guess. I had a little bit of time and so I thought of several places that sounded good and had finally chosen one but at the last minute I changed my mind. I got to this particular place just at right time that God put me there and I failed to take the chance.
Next time I will know better. I am still getting to know the spirit and how it moves in me. I will pray then to God, to help me to be more obedient.
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