Conversing with God

It has been a month since I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Hypermobility Syndrome. This last month hasn't been too bad pain wise and now that I have answers I think there has been less stress - which is a common trigger for FM. It has been an agonizing year and a half to say the least of not knowing why I was hurting the way I was or how to communicate it to people without getting a lot of unwanted advice. But here I am today and have decided to just be positive. Of course this is always easier when the pain is minimal.

But what I want to focus on more than anything is how much I love our God, how amazing He is to love us. This morning I was contemplating with the Lord on my trust in Him. That why whether or not I feel people think I am crazy for not trying the latest and newest prescriptions for my condition should matter. Do I really trust in Him and if I do why am I stopping myself from telling them that He is part of my life in this and in everything? Is He part of every bit of my life or do I just like to think so?

The scripture hits me hard, "Matt 10:33 But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven." - I then admit to my Father I realize I have denied Him so by not professing His name out loud when I share my hope and feelings. That I have kept Him hidden and only sharing bits and pieces. Sure people know I am Christian but I am I bringing Christ to them? I'm pretty good at expressing all my love to Him personally and quietly in prayer or in a blog but when will I grow outwardly in my expression? When will these thoughts and feelings from my heart grow on the outside for all to really hear and see? Yes, I've been pondering this one a while now and today I realized it really does matter to be bold.

So as I was thinking this I was prompted to ask myself, "When people ask me how I am treating my FM do I give them the answer based on what they think? On who they are or what they do or don't believe in?" I then confess to Him that yes, I have been. That to those I know in the Church I tell them with vitamins/supplements, sleeping techniques and of course relying on the Lord. But yet when someone else asks me I tell them the same but leaving the last part out and replacing it with "for personal reasons." 

"Am I really relying on the Lord?" I thought. Then I asked the Father to help me be honest and if I am not trusting in Him to help me grow bold enough to talk about Him to those that may not know Him and to grow my faith into trust. I still remember His words not too long ago when He said "We will walk you through this..." - and I know my loving Father in Heaven that if I am not bold now He will teach me to become bold.

I love it when I have a conversation with the Lord and then later something pops up in relation to what I have been discussing with Him. He is so awesome in His timing that today at lunch and after all I had conversed with Him this morning the conversation came back all over again as if He was sharing with me personally. It happened when I began reading the weekly Pentecostal Evangel magazine. The first page began an introduction to articles of people with chronic pain or illnesses and their testimonies concerning relying on the Lord and how they were healed because of their faith in Jesus.

And I just smiled as I knew the Lord was still conversing with me...walking me through. Just as He promised.

Fruitful Thinking

After what has been the longest winter ever I take time to notice God's creations all around me. I notice more and more lately dormant life beginning to emerge from the frozen canvas when spring is abound. The chirps of birds begin again, squirrel tails are hopping in the park again, and soon the colors will bring life to my eyes.

Even indoors I start to take notice of life God has given. For example, the bowl of fruit on my kitchen counter. Sure I keep a bowl out for my family for a healthy snack but mostly I love how it brings my kitchen alive. The other day it occurred to me how beautiful each piece of fruit is. How unique each one's shape, color, and taste are. How much thought God put into them for us. I then pondered how grateful I am to have them available at any time whether they are in season or not. That even though there is no grass growing until spring, I can still be blessed with God's abundance today! 

And of course during all this I was reminded of The Fruit of the Spirit. You and I have this fruit available any time - even if we haven't matured or grown in one fruit over another. It is still there in season or not. If I have Love, then I am more capable of producing Patience, if I have Patience and Love then I am grown to naturally produce Kindness. If I have one fruit the season is bound to bloom for another in time. 

As long as I am seeking life in the world's dark canvas, I will always find God's blessings. I pray you are seeking for the same.