Life feels so empty without a partner by your side. If you've never had to do this then you have no idea. However I am not alone completely. I am never alone. I have the Lord. I trust His will. I trust my husband, there is a bond there that I never had before with anyone else.
I find I am trying to figure out ways to quit and go running to him. I know we could make it work if we rent our house out or if he comes back now...but doing so would not be in our best interest. Time will pass and I will adjust and find patience. Last night was the first away and we didn't get the chance to really talk much as he was settling in. Our house seems emptier than ever now and I worry about the things he took care of around the house. I find I am no longer cynical about our marriage and about what he does or doesn't do. It is true what they say in that distance can make the heart grow more fond.
I have things to do on the weekends no doubt, but it is still not the same. I am once again reminded by my family that if we move to WI permanently I will have no family near me. This is true but my family will always be where I can always visit them if I need to or they are just a touch away through the computer. I don't worry about it as everyone else does. Is it that I have outgrown this "needy" phase and they just don't see it? I love my family, but they are no longer my complete life like they were when I was asingle mother ten years ago. I find that I seem to be cast into this stereotype of someone that cannot leave their hometown and family which challenges me to want to leave all the more.
While Charlie's gone I'm not sad, just empty and going through the motions of life is all. I am hoping I can get my flight booked soon and I know I will need a lot longer than a couple days.
Love is funny. It starts out all froo froo, but as you mature in your relationship you find you are more companions than anything. You go through life together and share together. I don't necessarily miss the physical closeness as much as the talking, the cooking, the laughing, the sharing...
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