After dropping my husband off at the airport and then my daughter to my brother's for the day I set off for work where I found myself filling up at the gas station, crying and greiving that I miss my husband. There is an oddity that surrounds this place that I call home now. He's not even been gone a day. I didn't think it would come this soon - probably because we've been on each other's nerves for the past year and a half (other than when we were on vacation) so much so that I thought it would be a relief to be away from each other.
It just feels weird I tell myself. But then I realize it is more than that. It feels like I don't belong here anymore - that I belong where he is. What is this feeling about? The feeling comes when I drive past all the places that he was with me the week before like the grocery store, the bank, IHOP, the pharmacy. I dunno. It is just weird. It is like I know I need to be wherever he is and somehow through all of this I know it isn't here - at least not in the city we've been living in. I've been ready to move for a while now, I've outgrown this house and this area and especially the daily drive and I've come to realize this is going to be the start of some big changes.
You see this has been something we knew about a year and a half ago when Charlie's employer announced they were relocating and as such he'd be getting a nice severance package and/or offer to relocate. I at first liked the idea only as a way of getting out of what life was at the time, a way out of bad daily habits that I created, a way out of having to drive to work 30 minutes every morning, a way out of having to work full time...I say all this cause a year and a half ago I wasn't in good shape. I was in a rut of bad habits and didn't know how to get out. Since then I've come to know the Lord and with His grace the bad habits have been put out of my life. I am left today looking back and it didn't take going to Wisconsin to get back on track to being who I know I am. But after all is said and done I still feel this eagerness to move - I can't explain it....and the thing is moving doesn't entail moving out of state per say, but it sure feels like it...so I guess let's just wait and see.
With what Charlie is doing now by working in WI, we have financial freedom and new options. He will be able to receive a good bonus out of all this and knowing this I am preparing our life to change and that means moving out of this house - not necessarily to WI, but just somewhere different. I don't even know where. Whether we stay here or do move out there, we've come to realize we've changed and have different taste and desires/needs for a home than what we did when we moved out here - what we have now was good for us then, but we are ready for something different. Life has changed a lot, and it has personally changed me a lot.
As more and more time passes it is revealed to me that this has all been a part of God's will - because my relationship with Him didn't really start to bloom until when all this started I know it is His will...but I have no idea what for? How will He use us? And the even more sobering thought is that Charlie has this indication too, he has only mentioned it to me once though. That is the great thing about God's will, you are not meant to understand it, just trust it.
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