Intervention

I can't explain it. I just know what I know. People may think I'm crazy but I know I am not. I have been before, crazy that is, but there is a difference between becoming clinically psychotic and true feelings and visions of super natural things. Thing is I don't always listen to what is being told to me when I have these feelings or promptings.

It is only now that I am learning to adhere to these instances as they happen. Looking back at the dreams I have had over the past year I now realize they can be used to interpret what actions I should be taking in my life. I feel it is God's way to speak to me using visions and metaphors so that my human mind will "get" it and make needed changes!

It was about 5 years ago that I was driving home from work when this overwhelmingly heavy feeling that something "big" was going to happen. It was something big and life changing yet I didn't discern if it would be for good or for worse. As I drove I felt pressure on my shoulders letting me know to prepare. But prepare for what? I finally concluded that I must prepare to lose something close to me but that it was supposed to happen and that I would be okay. So somehow I assumed to be watchful for my husband thinking that something would happen to him while he was driving home at night. So I prepared myself for the thoughts of it happening and waited for something to happen. Two days later the premonition came in a very different way.

My dad died. It was Good Friday. It was a beautiful morning - one that I will always remember. The air was full of spring and the birds were chirping and reminded me of all the other spring mornings when Dad would say, "Good Morning!" to me while looking up from his newspaper and silly reading glasses. It was his day. He was finally free from pain and depression that he was suffering from. That is when mine began.

Now that time has passed and he's moved on in heaven and I've moved on too. That day to me now is remembered no longer in grief but in a different light. But I still wonder why I didn't know what God was telling me. I don't think I knew how to listen or even more important how to ask Him what the feelings were. Maybe it was that I didn't want to know? I remember a dream I had a few nights before my fathers death occurred. I woke up after dreaming I had called my mother to tell her I had a night mare she had died. I did not think anything of it and just went about the same business of what I was feeling while awake. I still insisted that something was going to happen to me or my direct family but not my immediate family. I was completely incorrect.

I have had other experiences in life with people dying and my receiving super natural messages, only these were after they were gone. My uncle died of colon cancer just prior to my first marriage ending in 1996. I was living at my parents at the time and remember how sick he was and we all knew it could be at any time that he would go. The night it happened I woke up in a sweat and unable to breathe with panic attacking me. I didn't know why or what I was dreaming but just after I got over it the phone call came. We were told he had passed and at the exact time I had the panic attack.

Another instance happened when I was reading the newspaper at my parents. Often when I'd stop by to visit them I'd lounge back and read their newspaper. Being a single mom, I never really wanted to spend the money on my own subscription. I would always look at the comics and the classifieds, you know the important stuff. Well one day out of the blue I was prompted to look at the obituaries before anything else. There I found a good friend in there that I had a relationship with in past employment. It was odd to me to think of her as gone, but I got the feeling she wanted to tell me good bye and that she held me dear to her heart. She wasn't very old either. About a month or two later the same instance happened and it was that same friend's mother. I knew the both of them. I remember feeling that they were letting me know what happened to them, but I also admit I didn't dig very deep and accepted that it was just chance. I have only held in the back of my heart that it was really much more than that.

About a few years later I had this great urge to write a letter to an old friend who was living with us for a while and was really there for me when I needed some one to talk to. He needed a place to stay and at the time my ex husband was living a lifestyle that I did not take to. He was gone all the time out dealing drugs or hanging out with druggies and never home. He had left me about a month before this friend started living with us as he needed a place to stay. Turns out I needed him there more than he needed to be there. Long story short, this friend really helped me in such a great way that it made an impression in my life and what I went through at that time. One day I felt pressure of memories and thoughts that reminded me of him and led me to write him a letter. Prior to finishing the long letter, word came to me that he had killed himself the week before. I was devastated that he didn't ever really get to know what he meant to me as a friend. But somehow I know he knows.

I have pondered and pondered how things like this are present in my life. Not only in the past, but what has been happening of recent. At the time I didn't think anything of them but somewhere in the back of my heart I believe that the people we have encountered in life who have passed are simply remembering us while entering heaven. They communicate to us feelings because we really made a difference to them and they to us while they were here. These "accounts" are given before the Lord who is recognizing what is held in hearts of the living that are still treasurable of them and their time spent here on earth. And it is at that time of their passing when God's hands reach down to our hearts right at that very moment when we feel it. He uses us so that He may create something beautiful to put on their crown that is to be placed on their head at judgement day.

In addition to instances with loved ones that have passed, I have very vivid and meaningful dreams about my own life. About a year after my dad had passed I started drinking and smoking and each year it progressively got worse. With this also came recurring incubus of people or things killing me and I would sit straight up in bed swearing to my husband of shadows in the room and would scream in horror. I thought it was just because of my dad dying and my not dealing with it, but now know it was warning signs to me about what hell consists of and that I may end up there some day if I don't change my ways.

I started to attend church with my family from the prompting of my husband. It was about the same time and thereafter is where I started having true conviction. I think hearing the word of God at church in addition to wondering where and why God took my dad really got me to thinking about what life is about and where do I fit in the picture? I felt lost and at first thought if I stopped going to church it would alleviate my convicted nature.

It's only been since last November that I have completely stopped having the night terrors. This past year I have learned to reason with God about my convictions and to ask Him for help. I have asked Him to show me ways out and He has given them to me. The dreams I have had during this past year He gave to me over and over again until I got it. They were recurring and consisting of my driving in a car for which I could not stop the brakes. I finally decided I needed to interpret the dreams and really started to back off what was giving me conviction and started changing my life with God's help. The car represented my life and my not being able to stop was going to lead me into a wreck.

Since then these dreams have changed. I am now driving in a car for other reasons and am never trying to stop but end up in odd places that have different meanings to me at the time I am dreaming them. I also realize that the people in my dreams are very significant signs as well. I have had so many dreams these past few months that I could write a book about them. I know now that they are signs from God, that he communicates to me in what direction my life may be heading and I am usually given promptings of what to look for and to seek from Him in order to move forward.

I'd like to share of a dream I had this morning. I was driving and Jake was in the passenger seat. We were driving on the same road we drive on every day out where we live but the road was surrounded by vibrant green grass- it was as if a rainstorm just occurred and gave life to all the vegetation. The sky was a bit gray and foggy, but it was beautiful and we could not see far ahead of us. Jake was telling me where to turn and where to go and Savannah was in the back seat, but it wasn't her, it was like a hologram of her or a thought of her. Just at the moment Jake no longer knew where to go, I woke up. I have interpreted this dream to mean that our children (not mine, but all children) think they know the directions in life but are depending on us parents to drive them there. Just prior to this dream I had dreamt that Charlie and I were in a group of adults that were asked to create an anti-venom for snakes that were around, and that it was "up to us" to protect our children from the devils servants with the medicine we created.

The dreams stem from a recent presentation we attended at our church about an opportunity for being involved to participate in the vision of LifeStation, a Christian organization designed for the future youth. Our old church building is in need to relocate or be completely restored but thus far we haven't enough finances to make a final decision. We all have been praying about it, and a miraculous option has derived to us in pursuit that we could be the "sponsor church" to assist in the initial phase of this organization's vision for where we live.

I believe the dream I had today is revelation from God that we, our small "insignificant" church congregation, have been given an opportunity to start something no one has done before, but that it is up to us to do this for our children. That it would be something "big" and is His will. Like when my father died I didn't know what to foresee, but knew that something "big" was about to happen. I still don't comprehend how something like this could become real, but God can. I can't deny that the folks at church have all been feeling the same "big" pressure of some thing's about to change the past few months. Like me they all have been saying, "We just don't know." Yet we knew God's work has been at hand. To see the fruit that has just started to reveal itself from our prayers is a bit overwhelming I must say. I can't even describe to you what is going on here, but it is the power of God.

It will be interesting to see what dreams come ahead as time goes on...God works in the most mysterious ways, doesn't He? I pray that He will continue to give me revelation as well as the others so we know what His plan is and that we as parents, adults, grandparents, and a community know how we can drive our children to God's hands in safety. I just pray.