The Power of Dirty Laundry

I read a great devotional today at Proverbs 31 Ministries Daily Devotional. It is called "Run Another Load" and the author describes about how laundry is never ending - just like God cleansing our hearts is never ending. It really inspired me to make an entry on what I felt this morning and ponder things a bit. I have been needing to do so but not feeling the spirit the past couple of days.

Some mornings I wake up feeling convicted. It used to be every morning, but now it has lessened. I find that when I don't wake up this way, I wonder why. Is it that I am set free from my sins? Has God shut me out? Am I just not listening or seeking enough? It is the latter of course. Unfortunately I struggle with myself to know that I have always been lazy in only seeking God when I felt convicted. I realize too though that I'm still learning to walk with God - including how to seek Him when there is not conviction or a need for an answered prayer. It is my desire in this walk with Him to learn to simply seek His word and grow daily. I am still unsure how to be better about doing this aside from my convictions telling me to do so, but do know that prayer is the key to all things and I will need to ask for His help daily.

I know that without conviction I am less likely to communicate to God. I have always found this unacceptable but in the past I would usually not think about it and simply let the guilt of my codependent relationship with Him pass. I know now that this has changed inside of me. Last night when all was quiet, I was feeling lonely as if I hadn't talked to Him all day. I then realized I hadn't. So I said a prayer and thanked Him for all that He has given me. I felt His warm hands enclose around me and at that point I was comforted. This is one way to seek Him, to spend time with Him, and I realize that a prayer is all it takes. But why is it that sometimes I am not prompted to pray? I don't pray out of habit - I admit as a human brinh I don't naturally feel the urge to pray. The urge for me is strongest with conviction or a need for guidance. But I don't want prayer to become just a habit either.

Why is conviction so much stronger than anything else? I wonder if it is because of God's power - His will to remind me that I am a sinner in constant need of help. I need to be convicted in that it requires me to remember to seek God in a different way than that of any other. He must be communicating to me today that I am getting too caught up in life; in this facebook stuff, in filing my taxes, in preparing for my daughter's birthday party. He reminds me that focusing too much on worldly things will result in my spirituality dwindling away. I find that when I am strong in spirit I have much influence for the good. Without it there is no purpose. My future depends on my convictions as does those around me. We all contribute to each other so I must do my part by keeping fed and feeding my family too.

I hate to admit this, but prior to my prayer to God last night, my daughter had asked me to read her a Bible story. I told her it was too late and that it would have to wait. After a bit of convicton I disciplined my reasoning and decided to go ahead and read to her regardless of the time. Why wasn't it my instinct to do this come without the conviction?

I don't teach Sunday School this week so I admit that knowing I didn't have a lesson to prepare I have been lax about getting into the Word, praying and spending time with God. I guess I didn't realize how blessed teaching the Kindergartner's would make me. I thought that my missing the Pastor's sermons to serve in the Sunday School I would feel as though I was missing out but I now realize that I am wrong. I am just a sinner in a world that is not everlasting. My body will continue to decrease but my spirit increases.

I am grateful to have His presence in all ways - convictions and blessings. I am blessed that He sent His son, Jesus Christ, so that I could have each and every chance to overcome my convictions - that the atonement for me as a lowly sinner is one great gift that all I have to do is accept and I will live in heaven with Him!

I praise Him then for putting these convictions on my heart. That he loves me enough to remind me to spend time with Him and seek Him if even for the short few minutes I have throughout the day. He reminds me I am nothing without Him. Lately the hymn titled "I Need Thee Every Hour" has been coming to my mind. Even though I have no idea of the lyrics or the tune, the name of this song is so true and from the heart.

Now when I am putting my laundry away, I will smile to know that God strives for cleaning my dirty laundry everyday. I will pray, "Please remain with me Lord my God, for I need you every hour of every day."