Have you ever been so connected with the Holy Spirit for a long period of time and enter a dry spell you are wondering if you did something wrong? I do, but I know this feeling is also a trick and I do not need to doubt the Lord as He has forgiven me my trespasses before I've even made them.
Yes, I am in a spiritual desert right now. I am thirsty, yet I know what I need to do to quench myself. But do I obey? No. I realize I am human and that it is up to me to feed the spirit. But I go on day by day, making little time for prayer and for reading my scriptures. Then comes the conviction. That is the beauty of the Lord, even conviction is a gift. Without it I wouldn't be seeking these questions or trying to sort through my feelings. I guess what I'm really seeking is guidance. But for what?
Where I don't know what I'm seeking - but I know the desert is wide and long spread, I wonder when and what will come next? Where do I read in the Bible? What do I pray? Everything is going really great right now in my life, I can't ask for better. Is this why I am suspicious something is going to happen? Lately when I do pray I have prayed for others. I praise for the current blessings in my life. But I still don't sense the presence of the Lord. And I need to be content with this and remember He will come when needed.
And as I am writing these words at this very moment, that still small voice instructs me to read anywhere...that there are no specifics...that I just need to trust. I hear this familiar voice and I want more. That is my being human. That is my mistrust and greediness. I want more, but I need be patient.
We are taught to have joy in tribulations in that it teaches us perseverance for growth. Do I want a tribulation? No, of course not. But when it does, I know the Holy Spirit will be there to lift me up in strengths I cannot explain. It is then that I will get to hear His voice. It will be overwhelming to me. When I think of times past and all that he has answered for me thus far, I remember to trust. I remember to be patient.
So I pray that just for today that you, Lord, are pleased with me and my efforts, that you will show me my next step in this walk. I am waiting for you Lord. Waiting. In the meantime please remind me of the time I need to pause to spend with you either reading, noticing all the beauty you've given around me, singing praise & worship to you, praying, writing, or offering a simple smile to a stranger. And Lord, I thank you for being so forgiving of any doubt that may cross my way, for I try earnestly to not listen to it and to always come back to you and the truth. I pray that you will prompt me to be a positive person, one that has no bad to say or judge of others. I am human and I need you Lord, without you I am nothing. Amen.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Friday, May 22, 2009
Love is the answer
I read in Corinthians (Cor 12:4-30) last night about how the body needs all parts to do it's job, that even though all parts are different and do not agree with the other that they are still needed for the one body. Just because a hand is not a foot doesn't mean the foot does not need the hand. This made me think then on how we are all parts of the body of community, the gospel of Jesus Christ, our family, our work, etc. Why then does it seem we don't act like a body? I guess this gets to me more than ever as of lately in that family and friends in my life have chosen to silently not exist in mine and others lives because of various reasons, reasons that I am not even sure of and will not understand. Reasons that make no reason if that makes any sense. Some are because of religious differences and some are not. I don't understand it.
Living where I do I often get the feeling that there is trouble when in conflict with religion. It's too bad that "religion" preference is more focused on than Jesus Christ. When we first moved to this neighborhood I was visited by a member of the local church that is a majority in my area. I was expecting this as every time I have moved in the past, the same attempt has always been made. This time, knowing what I experienced from the last move, I asked her politely that while her visiting me was heartfelt I asked not to have my name on the list for visitation.
Because of this she didn't really acknowledge me again. This was not surprising to me though. I am not sure why when I make this type of decision and let it be known that I am not interested in practicing a religion they take it personally. Maybe it's that they don't know how to react. Is it that because of the area I live it is expected and that if I am opposing a cardboard cutout and respond differently than what everyone else does, they feel offended? Maybe I surprised her? I don't know. Isn't Christianity about loving one another as a person, not as a religion?
Religion separates people. That plain that simple. Jesus condemned religion and this is a good reason why. Religion in my opinion causes separation of the "body" of Christ, that if you are not a member of one's church then you have no value. Not all people of religion aren't this way but as a general whole, where I come from, people like me are not oblivious to the separation. And when it comes to religion and utilizing the resources they have to help someone in need, some are very wealthy and able to do this. I do acknowledge this, however when with the help there also comes an expecation of that person. That is the difference between religions and being a true Christian. This is not truly giving.
Now that I mentioned true giving, which leads me to a little thought on what I have learned by Jesus as true giving. I was always taught growing up that if I gave tithing or services, I would get returned a reward two-fold. So I interpreted that to mean if I give I will get, never that my good deeds would be noticed for what they were worth. Maybe this just wasn't explained well to me or I didn't ask enough questions. It hasn't been until now that I realize if I give wholeheartedly for the sake of giving and that is it. That is my reward. And I love that reward! I love to give just to give, I always have. While it is true that my deeds will not go unnoticed if from the heart, the difference is that if they not done as a "practice" or a "gesture" such as going through the motion of it, there is no value in it. But practicing does make perfect too, which can be a wholehearted motion giving by your own desire and not by the encouragement of any one person other than Jesus.
So reading on in Corinthians 13:1-13 it then states about if we do not have love, than what good are we? If we do all the things we are to do in this world with good deeds and going through the motions, none of it counts if you do not love. Our pastor asked us last Sunday to read aloud and put our name in front of the verses Cor 13:4-7 and just to listen to what we are saying. Am I living this? Dping this really hits home and shows you who you really are.
I do know that religion does serve some purpose. It is thought of as a "body" as I was talking about earlier, but the world is not just one religion so to me religion is only a part of a very big body. The body of this world. It's purpose is there and we do need it, but we have to be careful with it just like anything. It originally brings us to the teachings of Lord, it makes us think and challenge ourselves. Without it we may have never ever known about Jesus, but that doesn't mean we have to live in it and it's politics our whole life. Worshipping Jesus without religion is so free and spiritual. I love that I can share with anyone Jesus and let them know His love for them. Without having to explain anything else. It's that easy.
So I ask you Lord, please help and teach me to learn to love. I cling to every word Jesus has taught in the Bible and yearn to feel that love for all. I hope that as I learn and can do better, the people that do not show love in my life would see the love that I do show and somehow be reminded of the root of life. Also lord, help me to understand the people of religion more, that I don't place judgement on them but that I see them and not their religion, that I see your spriit within them and not the words of others giving them their instruction. I pray these things in your name, Amen.
Living where I do I often get the feeling that there is trouble when in conflict with religion. It's too bad that "religion" preference is more focused on than Jesus Christ. When we first moved to this neighborhood I was visited by a member of the local church that is a majority in my area. I was expecting this as every time I have moved in the past, the same attempt has always been made. This time, knowing what I experienced from the last move, I asked her politely that while her visiting me was heartfelt I asked not to have my name on the list for visitation.
Because of this she didn't really acknowledge me again. This was not surprising to me though. I am not sure why when I make this type of decision and let it be known that I am not interested in practicing a religion they take it personally. Maybe it's that they don't know how to react. Is it that because of the area I live it is expected and that if I am opposing a cardboard cutout and respond differently than what everyone else does, they feel offended? Maybe I surprised her? I don't know. Isn't Christianity about loving one another as a person, not as a religion?
Religion separates people. That plain that simple. Jesus condemned religion and this is a good reason why. Religion in my opinion causes separation of the "body" of Christ, that if you are not a member of one's church then you have no value. Not all people of religion aren't this way but as a general whole, where I come from, people like me are not oblivious to the separation. And when it comes to religion and utilizing the resources they have to help someone in need, some are very wealthy and able to do this. I do acknowledge this, however when with the help there also comes an expecation of that person. That is the difference between religions and being a true Christian. This is not truly giving.
Now that I mentioned true giving, which leads me to a little thought on what I have learned by Jesus as true giving. I was always taught growing up that if I gave tithing or services, I would get returned a reward two-fold. So I interpreted that to mean if I give I will get, never that my good deeds would be noticed for what they were worth. Maybe this just wasn't explained well to me or I didn't ask enough questions. It hasn't been until now that I realize if I give wholeheartedly for the sake of giving and that is it. That is my reward. And I love that reward! I love to give just to give, I always have. While it is true that my deeds will not go unnoticed if from the heart, the difference is that if they not done as a "practice" or a "gesture" such as going through the motion of it, there is no value in it. But practicing does make perfect too, which can be a wholehearted motion giving by your own desire and not by the encouragement of any one person other than Jesus.
So reading on in Corinthians 13:1-13 it then states about if we do not have love, than what good are we? If we do all the things we are to do in this world with good deeds and going through the motions, none of it counts if you do not love. Our pastor asked us last Sunday to read aloud and put our name in front of the verses Cor 13:4-7 and just to listen to what we are saying. Am I living this? Dping this really hits home and shows you who you really are.
I do know that religion does serve some purpose. It is thought of as a "body" as I was talking about earlier, but the world is not just one religion so to me religion is only a part of a very big body. The body of this world. It's purpose is there and we do need it, but we have to be careful with it just like anything. It originally brings us to the teachings of Lord, it makes us think and challenge ourselves. Without it we may have never ever known about Jesus, but that doesn't mean we have to live in it and it's politics our whole life. Worshipping Jesus without religion is so free and spiritual. I love that I can share with anyone Jesus and let them know His love for them. Without having to explain anything else. It's that easy.
So I ask you Lord, please help and teach me to learn to love. I cling to every word Jesus has taught in the Bible and yearn to feel that love for all. I hope that as I learn and can do better, the people that do not show love in my life would see the love that I do show and somehow be reminded of the root of life. Also lord, help me to understand the people of religion more, that I don't place judgement on them but that I see them and not their religion, that I see your spriit within them and not the words of others giving them their instruction. I pray these things in your name, Amen.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Music....the Food for My Thoughts
Music really lightens the heart, spirit, and mind's emotion. It sets the mood for the minute, hour, and day. I have added some of the most recent music that I've heard on the radio to my site here. I find it is as strong as reading the word and praying to God and it is a great way to spend time commuting to and from everyday life. It really recharges my batteries.
While I have so many questions about the Gospel and Jesus Christ as I am still learning, I also am limited on the time I can spend to make entries about them. I haven't been able to as much as I have liked lately, but there is always something stirring inside.
Last week's sermon mentioned that every time we read the word, pray, or praise God, we are being changed. Whether we feel it or not. The energy that comes from the time spent with Him eventually comes out in some form. Hearing this I realized that I wondered why I didn't always "feel" changed after reading, praying, or singing praise. I guess because there were so many times where I did, I just expected the same result. It now makes perfect sense. What I learned a few days ago will be fruitful for me a few days after. He puts us in a desert for a reason. I may never understand this and while I am not supposed to, I do accept it.
This is why I love blogging. I love that I can jot down only one thought and ponder on it when I have time and can publish it when I feel ready. This morning I didn't feel any spirit inside of me. I felt dead in fact. But because I remembered just now that I have been wanting to post my play list in my blog is where this all changed for me today. I played one song while I was obtaining the code and bam, I was inspired to write something!
My husband is a musician. He is very artistic in the capability of producing music and lyrics out of nowhere. But like me he must have the desire and the right mood, time, and energy. A lot of times things come when you are nowhere near a note pad or keyboard he says. He stores it up in his head. He is also like this when it comes to cooking. That man of mine can conjure up the most amazing things. I'll joke with him and tell him how "un-artistic" I am. Sure I used to be able to draw back in Jr High, but that's not even been an attempt since. I then realized that I do have an artistic ability. I like to write. I like to form my thoughts and get it out on paper, er computer. I like it because it feels organized. It is as if someone is listening to me, and it is challenging to provoke people's thoughts. It's almost as if I am writing music. :)
While I have so many questions about the Gospel and Jesus Christ as I am still learning, I also am limited on the time I can spend to make entries about them. I haven't been able to as much as I have liked lately, but there is always something stirring inside.
Last week's sermon mentioned that every time we read the word, pray, or praise God, we are being changed. Whether we feel it or not. The energy that comes from the time spent with Him eventually comes out in some form. Hearing this I realized that I wondered why I didn't always "feel" changed after reading, praying, or singing praise. I guess because there were so many times where I did, I just expected the same result. It now makes perfect sense. What I learned a few days ago will be fruitful for me a few days after. He puts us in a desert for a reason. I may never understand this and while I am not supposed to, I do accept it.
This is why I love blogging. I love that I can jot down only one thought and ponder on it when I have time and can publish it when I feel ready. This morning I didn't feel any spirit inside of me. I felt dead in fact. But because I remembered just now that I have been wanting to post my play list in my blog is where this all changed for me today. I played one song while I was obtaining the code and bam, I was inspired to write something!
My husband is a musician. He is very artistic in the capability of producing music and lyrics out of nowhere. But like me he must have the desire and the right mood, time, and energy. A lot of times things come when you are nowhere near a note pad or keyboard he says. He stores it up in his head. He is also like this when it comes to cooking. That man of mine can conjure up the most amazing things. I'll joke with him and tell him how "un-artistic" I am. Sure I used to be able to draw back in Jr High, but that's not even been an attempt since. I then realized that I do have an artistic ability. I like to write. I like to form my thoughts and get it out on paper, er computer. I like it because it feels organized. It is as if someone is listening to me, and it is challenging to provoke people's thoughts. It's almost as if I am writing music. :)
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