On growing...

Just like a baby, there are many stages of growing in LIFE. I am beginning to find this is true to growing in Life with Christ. Yet last October I thought I was as far as I was going to go with God. When I started that desert trip I thought for sure there was nothing more for me. But I kept faith and now know I was wrong to think that. Today I am reflecting on a newfound stage of my growth and finally understand what it means to be on the potter's wheel!

I admit that before I came into the truth and chose to live for God, I thought in doing so life would be easy -that those who go to church doing Godly things have no worries and are without conflict. Some of this is true for me - but only while living in Faith. It is like how my brother Marty put it to me long ago, "As long as you do what you are supposed to do things will be alright." I think what he meant to say was as long as you choose right over wrong, God will be there.

This new life is anything but easy for me. Don't get me wrong, there are peaceful, joyful, fulfilling times - mountaintops if you will - when I am listening, obeying, and walking with Him. But in order to grow there are also times God lets go of my hand during our walk so that I may learn to seek Him even when the Spirit isn't present. Needless to say I have learned greatly about how to trust and keep faith these past few months...and here comes more obedience on my part.

I am battling spiritual warfare, but over time it gets just a tiny bit lesser and lesser. I know that God is constantly molding and shaping who I am in Christ. My Pastor put it to me in such an easy way to understand, he said that Satan works overtime on us Christians once we start following Christ. Satan doesn't want me to win. That when I wasn't following Christ and constantly living in sin without conviction or repentance there was no reason for Satan to focus on me. But now there is - big time.

It isn't a daily battle, but I do tend to get impatient with myself for not being who I wish to be in Christ "now." I am tricked to wishing to be perfect when Satan tells me things like how I will never be perfect or good enough for Christ. Yes I have bad habits that developed over the years from not knowing any better. I find I see them now almost constantly, and while being convicted of them is bothersome, it is the only way to get rid of them. Satan, of course, takes his part in magnifying them to try to bring me down, but I choose disregard the negativity and trust in the Lord. I know I am right where the Lord wants me and that no matter what I am doing I am who I need to be during this time in my life and that He is changing me taking gentle time shaping and forming me on his pottery wheel. (Jeremiah 18)

I am learning this year to know Christ. I have always believed in Him, but I didn't really know Christ the way I do God and the Spirit - I didn't have a relationship with Him. Now that I do, I want to know Him more and more each day. He has asked me to come to Him. Of course I want to ask Him exactly how, when, and what to do. But I know this answer and so I pray that I continue to be patient with my growth, get into His Word every day, obey when I am convicted, and truly repent.

I know that living on this earth in this temporal body is so different than what it will be with the Lord in heaven - so when I live with Him in Spirit here - I admit I become anxious and want it all the time. I want to see what He has in store. Can you imagine all the beauty we find from Him here on earth mulitplied? I am human. I long to hurry and be with Him when and where I can, but have learned this will all take time and that He does have a plan for me - eternity.