Life and other ponderings...

Did you know there are about 36 different meanings of the word life? According to Dictionary.com that is. What does life mean to you?

For me it is to exist while working at one goal with many series of distractions. Some people call it a test. I agree, however it is more than one test. It is many. Distractions is how I refer to them. Distractions from remembering our creator and of why we are here. I get distracted with the worldly events, people, and their opinions. Friends I know try to enlighten me when I am down. They say there is light at the end of the tunnel and at first I think "Aren't they just in different part of the tunnel than I am?"

Life has a lot of pain. A lot of heartache. Interesting how the physical pain is easily forgotten such as that of giving childbirth or a broken leg as a kid. But the aching in your heart is not. I am not referring to bad heartache, but good. Sure you remember the pain you've experienced in life, but it's memory is just simply remembered, not refelt. What remains inside of your heart is the actual feeling you had when you first saw your child you just gave birth to, or the amount of people that wanted to sign your cast. Love is everlasting - it is what remains. I've often wondered how that strong ache from love in a person's heart gets there. I am sure there has been scientifict tests completed to determine that it is emotional chemicals derived from our human brain, but for me it has been at times so deep and strong that not even my human body can consume it and I know it comes from something more.

This makes me wonder then what we will think or feel rather when we are done here? For now we have a veil covering our memory of existence prior to our life here on God's earth. I am sure we will be able to recall all that we accomplished here and remember it - if we didn't what would the worth of living be? But will the feeling of the memories be the same as how our life experiences we remember make us feel now?

Life is very complex...I thought it was easier to live when I was not following God. I had no one to check up on me and so I felt no conviction or worry, there was no work involved. You'd think following Christianity is easy, but it's not. For every wrong thought I have, I am convicted. For every negative opinion about someone whether it be the way the look or act, I am guilty. I am always finding myself doing, thinking, or saying something incorrectly but what's most important is that I ask for forgiveness as soon as I recognize it.

What then comes to my mind next is the question of why are humans programmed to be so quick to judge? This has been bothering me a lot lately. Why do negative and rude thoughts come into my mind before I even have time to think...I am shameful for this. I don't even know that person. So then I think to myself, God loves that person...and then I want to know why. I feel apt to try and get to know someone even if it is only for that short time in the checkout stand. I don't always do it, no, but I do think of it and believe I am on the right track for not leaving my judgement of that person unaccounted for before God. I will not let Satan's work of trickery in my thoughts be unnoticed! I must read God's word to sheild myself as well as pray for His help in forgiving me...this will eventually keep Satan out for good.

Life is often thought of as only the present time for which we are alive "physically" here on this earth. It is so much more and that friend who told me to look to the light at the end of the tunnel was right! At first I admit when I heard her say this to me I wanted to reply with a sarcastic, "Who's tunnel are you looking in?" But then I remembered she was referring to God's tunnel. And because of God's tunnel she felt it in her heart, whether she was having a better day than I was, to remind me that God's will always prevail.

So you see life is serioues of distractions. Big time distractions. People, things, and experiences are not what can make you happy. Living for God's will does. I need to be reminded of this again and again. Living for me and my needs and desires led only to sinning and while this way of life felt easier than following God's footsteps on the straight and narrow, it has no meaning or purpose. It takes a lot more effort and thought and He leads me all the way down this tunnel - light in hand!

I pray today that I will be more obedient - that I would not just be satisfied to remind myself that I am working toward Christianity but will actually put more effort into actually living it. Please help me Lord to seek your word on a regular basis and to ask for your spirit to guide me. Please continue to remind me that even though in the times you've instructed me to be quiet and wait for your grace, that I must trust you even when I don't hear you and always remember to praise you and move your work toward others. Please bless me that I will not become distracted and stale in my journey with you this week as I have been in the past few weeks. I may have many distractions right now, but you are my main focus and always will be. Please remind me that these distractions are the enemy trying to weaken my love for you. Please remind me that I have been given a gift of the Savior to redeem me no matter the amount of work and good deeds that I do here. Remind me that this gift if I use and accept it will give me your reward of eternity and that the work and deeds I do do from my heart will be a way for me to praise you as it pleases you for me to live by Jesus' example and share your love to others. Please continue to remind me of this dearest gift and the example for which he has taught us. I long to know Jesus more and know that I am in need to seek your word, please help me to find the quiet time to do this and to remember to pray beforehand. I long to see the second coming if in my lifetime, but if not I pray you will help me be patient and await your son, Jesus Christ. Amen.